Chris Jerk-icho

Uh oh. You probably aren't supposed to do this...



More info at Busted Coverage.

What You Want:: Wrasslin Talk

It's a big wrasslin Sunday here at the 'Flex. A while back I saw a Top 10 Wrestlers of All Time list, and I felt a little hatin' and debatin' was necessary. I chose friend of the site, Hollywood (CEO of The Indy Corner) as my partner, but not in that way.

We skipped past the "why is there a top 10 wrestler list on a real, journalistic newspaper's website?" and got straight to the point. So if you're looking for a riveting wrasslin' conversation, here you go:

HMW: Ignoring the hideous web design and having to navigate through them one at a time, give me some thoughts.

1) Flair
2) Hogan
3) Lou Thesz
4) Bruno Sammartino
5) Steve Austin
6) Bret Hart
7) Gorgeous George
8) George Hackenschmidt
9) Andre the Giant
10) George "The Animal" Steele

Hollywood: Ironically, I actually agree with 90 percent of this list, which is a real first. I say "90 percent," because what the hell is George "The Animal" Steele doing on this list? I mean, I liked him and all, but even dead last on the Top 10 of All Time is a stretch. Seriously, the Rock? Randy Savage? Sting? Hell, even the Ultimate Warrior makes more sense than George!

HMW: I'm not sure how old the author is, but I was mightily impressed with the inclusion of Lou Thesz at #3. Most "all time" lists nowadays (esp. sports...or in this case "sports") covers 1990-2009. There were a few old school guys on there, which gave him some credibility. It seems like Bret Hart should be higher than 6, but I won't complain too much.

The only case i could make for George "The Animal" is his mainstream status. Not saying The Rock and Macho Man don't have it, but people still know who George Steele is (and what he looks like). And I guess the author didn't want to lean to much towards the 80s/90s/00s?

Side note - I could think of some top 10 lists the Ultimate Warrior could be on.

Hollywood: I'm not knocking George at all. He's definitely an important icon of sorts in professional wrestling.

But his impact just can't compare to someone like The Rock. Even if The Rock's career was technically short and even if you want to somehow claim he "sold out" (fun fact: he didn't), his contribution to pro wrestling just makes poor George's look like small potatoes. Many casual fans believe wrestling started going downhill the moment The Rock left, and that's a comment no one's been able to make since the Hulkster took his first hiatus.

(also on that side note: Ultimate Warrior is in a list all his own, really, with his name listed as 1 through 10!)

HMW: I do agree with you on The Rock's part. I think I would have had him 6/7ish on my list.

But theoretically had i wanted to argue full-on for Steele, I would have won that debate, since i would have TYPED LOUDER THAN YOU AND USED ALL KINDS OF EXCLAMATIONS!!! YOU'RE WRONG HOLLYWOOD!!! YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!!!!

Moving on, the more important (and fun) question: who's on your "definite" list for Worst Wrestlers of All Time?

Hollywood: @#$%@ YOU, HAZELWOOD!! @#$%@ YOU AND THE @#$%@ING HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!!! YOUR OPINIONS PALE IN COMPARISON WITH MY OWN!!!

Honestly, I'm not sure where I'd put The Rock. I have a tough time deciding if he should rank higher or lower than Steve Austin. Still, he damn sure deserves to be on that list.

Now, for my "definite" worst...? That's not so easy as some might think, but perhaps...

Khali - he's big...but he's terrible in thing, awful on the mic, and about as charismatic as my dog when she's asleep.

Jackie Gayda (the girl from Tough Enough) - anyone remember that God-awful match with her Chris Nowinksy, Bradshaw, and Trish? (HMW note: youtube video here)

Giant Gonzalez - and he wrestled in a suit that made him look naked!

Mantaur - a description just wouldn't do him justice

Max Moon - he wore a jet pack to the ring...REPEAT...he wore a JET PACK to the ring!

The Gobbledy Gooker - while he never TECHNICALLY wrestled, he still REALLY sucked

It's the best I can come up with so far. Vince Russo definitely deserves an honorable mention for just sucking in general.

HMW: I was going to think of more, but how 'bout I just post this and we'll call it good?

Coming Soon: Another John Cena Blockbuster

During an impromptu wrasslin-watchin' session last night, we caught the brand new trailer for John Cena's new movie 12 Blocks. I asked Sir to give me the over/under on number of explosions that would be in the trailer. We didn't really know what type of movie this was, but it's a WWE Films/John Cena movie. Drama: 0% chance. Comedy: 7% chance. Action: 10000% chance!!!

Sir's over/under was six, so I insta-called the over. Big mistake on his part, though the line was made under pressure. At least I ran up the score on him towards the end to make it worth his while.

Skip past the Santino portion of this clip and see for yourself:



I especially liked when the ocean exploded. I believe that's the moment Sir realized defeat. BOOM fishes!!



March 27th - be there!

Wrasslin' Talk

Friend of the site and our personal video guru, Hollywood, launched a new blog recently. It's called The Indy Corner, and it will cover many Independent Wrestling promotions throughout the country.

I'm really digging it, as Hollywood's put a lot of effort into getting a few interviews and posting videos so far. Even if you're not down on WWE and TNA's continuous quest for maximum suckage, check out The Indy Corner when you've got a chance.

theindycorner.blogspot.com

I would imagine if The Indy Corner ever hit a slow news week, Hollywood and I could reminisce about the time we listened to The Ultimate Warrior speak for over an hour at the Pilot House at UMSL, in which he instructed us to "fucking breed like rabbits" towards the end a confusing lecture. Quite a meaningful experience for both of us, though I think we vowed to never talk about that again.

Panda Watch

I saw a commercial last night where Noah Wyle was pouring his heart out for you selfish bastards to donate some dollaz to the WWF. No, not the WWF that made Doink the Clown and the Brooklyn Brawler famous (using that term loooosely), he's talking about the World Wildlife Fund.

So it got me to thinking about the new WWF logo that the Wildlife Fund should have used when they "settled their differences" with Vince McMahon & Co. back in 2002:



Good God Almighty!

Always gets a chuckle out of me.

Oh, Sweet Heavens, My Dreams are Coming True

Most of us with clear memories of the '80s do not find ourselves longing for a return to the days of tight-rolled jeans, giant hair, and those tube socks with the colored stripes at the top. But if I could travel back as a 20-something I would, for one reason and one reason alone: Reaganomics.

No, not really. (Sorry, Hack.)

I would, however, happily go back -- via flux capacitor, natch -- for a little face time with The Rockers, particularly Shawn Michaels, who's downright dreamy. If you are not familiar with The Rockers, let me introduce you. And if you find that you don't like them, then we probably can't be friends.



"Napoleon Dynamite" taught me that time machines aren't real, so unfortunately I can't participate in Marty Jannetty's hard-drinking days or break shit with an angry Shawn Michaels. But here's the next best thing: RAW in St. Louis on February 2. It's a taping, which means the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels is likely to be in attendance, along with the jorty John Cena, badass Rey Mysterio, and irritating intercontinental champion Santino Marella. (Yes, TGF, I know you love Marella. Why don't you just marry him?) Marty Jannetty will be busy working third shift at at 7-11 in Iowa.

So February 2. Be there. Or be dead to me.

This Week in Old-School Wrestling Promos

In our first two installments of TWiOSWP (catchy, isn't it?), we learned the art of public speaking from two of pro wrestling's best mic men, the "American Dream" Dusty Rhodes and "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. These two legends knew how to work a crowd's emotions by skillfully arranging words to form sentences. Some wrestlers, however, didn't even bother with these basic rudiments of rhetoric.

Enter the Ultimate Warrior. Wait, no ... that doesn't sound right. Anyway, what the Ultimate Warrior's interviews lacked in content and coherence, they made up for with lots of yelling, snorting, and a poor understanding of where the camera was at any given moment.  

 

The Ultimate Warrior needed not the normals, but brother coulda used some breathe-right strips.

Bonus: This freak of nature right here is just beginning to swell.

This Week in Old-School Wrestling Promos

Bet you thought I had forgotten about this soon-to-be BertFlex mainstay, didn't you?

Last week, we kicked off our public speaking course with the inimitable Dusty Rhodes. An e-mailer who went only by the initials HMW noted that one "Nature Boy" Ric Flair is also pretty good at talking. 

This, of course, was not news to me. In fact, I'd put Flair at the top of my promo rankings, with the Rock a close second. No other wrestler engendered the hatred and envy that were just another day at the office for the 16-time world champion. 

We've linked to His Woo-ness before, but there's plenty to go around. Come get a taste.

P.S. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, you're welcome.

P.P.S. And, yet again, you're welcome.

This Week in Old-School Wrestling Promos

It's science: People are more afraid of speaking in public than they are of dying in a bizarre gardening accident. If only we all had the ka-RAZ-ma and swagger of some of pro wrestling's greatest stick-workers (wait a second, that didn't come out right ... that's what she said). 

Hence the Flex's latest weekly feature that might not live to see its second edition: This Week in Old-School Wrestling Promos. It's all here: the verbal threats of physical abuse, the occasional moments of true bad-assness, and the unintentional hilarity. Why pay money for a Toastmasters course when you can study at the feet of the gods?

We begin our series with the "American Dream" Dusty Rhodes, whose combination of poetry and oratory calls to mind a speech-impaired Jesse Jackson. To be honest, you could pick just about any Duthtay promo and learn a thing or two about speechifying. I chose this one because of (a) the vintage 70s wardrobe and (b) a pre-steroids Vincent Kennedy McMahon. 

Duthtay Rhodes wants to get real funky with you ...

A Post About the Iron Sheik, Kid Rock, & Lil Wayne

(there's no reason to try to come up with a useful title for this article, so that's the best I can give you)

Every so often I get called out on my habit of watching TMZ. I've actually only been watching once or twice a week lately (if that), so I decided to flip it on last night to see what's going on in celebrities-being-stalked-by-paparazzi news.

Some dude at TMZ must be a wrasslin' freak because every so often they run into a wrestler from the 80s. Believe it or not, the wrestlers tend to make jackasses of themselves. Take for instance the Iron Sheik, who cut a badass promo on Hulk Hogan as he walked into LAX airport a couple days ago. I love the fact that he's wearing his own shirt.

According to the internet, the Sheik is only 65 years old. It's got to be the first time the internet has been wrong about anything. Not buying it.

The best part was when he finally shut up and went on his way...in a wheelchair.

He ranted for five minutes about kicking Hogan's ass, then got rolled away by possibly a nurse who was about to change his Depends. TMZ included that part at the end of this video. Side note: I bet there are some Charlie Murphy/Rick James stories about Hogan and the Sheik.

In other entertainment and gross jersey news, I caught this while on my hunt for Barry Weinberg pics at the CMA Awards:



The savvy National(!) Football(!) League(!) fans out there will poop their pants in excitement because Kid Rock is wearing a kicker's jersey (Rob Bironas). Unfortunately, the replay booth shows that it says "Kid Rock" on the nameplate. I kind of figured that since Kid Rock is a big douche and all, plus the #2 is fitting.

Oh, and I have no idea why the fuck Lil Wayne was there just to hold a guitar (he plays a mean air guitar though - video here if you care).

The Perfect DVD

If the lack of "goodness" has caused you to turn away from the WWE during the past five or so years, the one thing they have been doing right in that span is the quality of their DVD offerings. There are 2 or 3 disk sets out for a bunch of wrasslers, factions (4 Horsemen), and extinct organizations (AWA, ECW) that are top notch in quality and content, usually featuring a ton of matches. One released a few months ago about The Rock would probably be a good investment.

But the new DVD hitting the streets this week is about Curt Hennig: Mr. Perfect. If you are a dork like us, check out Amazon and buy it (then let us borrow it from you, since we're cheap bastards).

The DVD itself should be pretty good. Mr. Perfect wasn't one of my favorites, but he always holds a special place in my heart for being the focus of one of the greatest things shown on television - ever. This ranks up there with the Rick James episode of Chappelle's Show and the softball episode of The Simpsons. It doesn't get any better than this, and the special cameos by Wade Boggs, Mike Modano, and Steve Jordan (mouthing "wowww") certainly helps.

I've been looking for a reason to post this video for almost three years now. If you've never seen it before, behold:




So good. Since I was eight, it's been my lifelong goal to throw a 70 yard touchdown to myself, and it's a shame that I'm still not good enough.

Best. Birthday. Present. EVAR!!!

Two things you need to know about Lady Good Face:

1) She has no particular fondness for the "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. In fact, I think she finds him rather annoying.
2) She hates mass market paperbacks. Granted, it's an odd prejudice to have, but we're English majors.

So imagine my surprise when I woke up on the 28th anniversary of God's Gift to Womyn (aka, Facemas) and she retrieved this from her assortment goodies and naughties:


Wooooo! I've read books by Mick Foley, Chris Jericho, and Triple H in the past, but here's the thing: Flair is the apex of professional wrestling. Some people think that Hulk Hogan is better -- they probably also think that the Cardinals need another "RBI man" or should move Wainwright back to the closer's role.

Aside from being a kiss-stealing, wheeling dealing, limousine-riding, jet-flying son of a gun, Ric Flair is the thinking man's champion. And yes, his shoes cost more than your house.

Jobbers, Faces, and Heels ... Oh My!

It is a truth universally acknowledged by almost everyone that professional wrestling is a metaphor for life. Thus, since wrestling is a metaphor for life, and since baseball is a metaphor for life, then by the transitive property wrestling is a metaphor for baseball.

Got all that, genius?

You see, in baseball, as in wrestling, there are babyfaces, heels, and jobbers. If you’re unfamiliar with this terminology, I’m deeply disappointed in you, and may God have mercy on your soul. But to help explain it, I’ll mix the metaphor and drop some Star Wars on your ass:

Faces: The good guys, like Luke Skywalker and Yoda.
Heels: The bad guys, like Darth Vader before he went all pussy.
Jobbers: The inconsequential Storm Troopers who are only there to make the faces and heels look good.

So who are baseball’s faces, heels, and jobbers?

Baseball faces: The all-time biggest face would probably be Babe Ruth, although his heelish tendencies might have been suppressed by the media. Today, biggest face honors likely go to Albert.
Baseball heels: There’s quite a lot to choose from – Ty Cobb, Hal Chase, the 1919 Black Sox, Pete Rose. Barry Bonds is easily the biggest heel going today.
Baseball jobbers: The sad, simple truth is that, at any time, 90% of major leaguers are jobbers. Noteworthy jobbers, if that isn’t an oxymoron, include Mario Mendoza, the Patron Saint of Baseball Jobbers.

Not everyone fits into these three categories, though. Some blur the lines.

Heelish faces: This is Alex Rodriguez’s lot at the moment. Much like John Cena, MLB tries to push A-Rod as The Man, but fans just love to hate him. The sooner everyone accepts that, the better.
Face-ish heels: “Stone Cold” Steve Austin practically invented this role. Not “good guys” by deed, they still get applause from fans who appreciate their willingness to kick just about anyone’s ass. Reggie Jackson and Roger Clemens come to mind.
Heelish jobbers: What the Brooklyn Brawler was to the WWF, Craig Counsell is to MLB. Take your stupid batting stance and your stupid face and get the hell out of here!!1!
Face-ish jobbers: Cardinals fans in particular love themselves some face-ish jobbers. Tell me that David Eckstein and Crash Holly don’t look like they could be brothers. Bo Hart, Stubby Clapp, and Joe McEwing also qualify. You don’t have to be white to be a face-ish jobber, but it doesn’t hurt. Does it ever?

Floyd Mayweather's Chance of Precipitation: 100%

Normally I'll leave most wrasslin news up to The Good Face to post, but any time someone makes it rain on my watch, I feel that I should bring it to your attention.

At the WrestleMania XXIV (yeah, 24...we're old) press conference Monday, Floyd Mayweather decided to please the fans at the Staples Center by making it rain, right before talking some shit about The Big Show. By the way...the Big Slow is back, whoop-de-do.

A month from now, Mayweather will wrestle The Big Slow at WrestleMa...wait...WREEESSSLLLLE-MANIAAAAA!!! It all started at the last WWE pay-per-view when Mayweather apparently broke Big Show's nose fo' real with a right cross. This is the WWE, so some medical reports may not be accurate.

Once again, Vince will bring in an athlete from outside the wrestling world to garner attention and PPV buys. He certainly accomplished that when it was announced that Mayweather will receive 20 MILLION FUCKIN DOLLARS for the match and handful of appearances to build the hype. Once again, this is the WWE, so some financial reports may not be accurate.

But back to the real story here. According to this AP report:

Mayweather incited the couple hundred of already hyped fans at Staples Center by whipping out a thick wad of cash and repeatedly tossing $100, $50 and $20 bills into the crowd that had nearly as many women as men.

A mad scramble ensued, with a light pole nearly getting knocked over and two small children caught in the chaos. One lucky man emerged from the pileup clutching six $100 bills.

That's what you get little kids...that's what you get.

RAW Is a Waste of Time

As always, I half-watched while also surfing the net for ... umm ... stuff.

1) Cena's back. It appears he and Randy Orton will feud for the right to wear the championship buzzcut. If not for Cena's jorts, it would be hard to tell the two of them apart.

2) Not actually RAW, but: There was a Harlem Globetrotters game on My 46. Color commentary man: Arsenio Hall. The 'Trotters only won by nine points. It's not too late to jump on the Generals' bandwagon.

3) The RAW announce team now includes sideline reporter Mike Adamle, formerly of "American Gladiators." Can he fill Todd Pettengill's shoes?

4) Switching back and forth between RAW and the State of the Union Address. I kept waiting for a "You fucked up" chant, but no dice. There were a few "Bush Fears Goldberg" signs, though.

5) Cognitive dissonance: I watch RAW, but have no interest whatsoever in UFC.

6) DX re-union! Sorry, fellas, but without "Badass" Billy Gunn (aka, the Assman), you're nothing to me. It doesn't seem very X-treme for Triple H to wear an adjustable baseball cap. Get that shit fitted, son. And wear it backwards. Also: Neon green? That's right up there with the Hitman's poontang pink as worst color scheme ever. And then when you talk about getting ready to suck it ...

7) Fun fact: Snitsky is a former Mizzou Tiger football player.

8) Hottest current WWE chick: Beth Phoenix. You could disagree, but you'd be wrong.

9) Some time around 9:00 I realized that I'm no better than the thousands of other Inter-nerds who write RAW reports. Major soul-searching followed.

10) Maybe this just reveals my ignorance in the field of fake leprechauns, but why is Hornswaggle's face always dirtier than a pair of Britney Spears' panties?

11) What the hell do you call those things that Brian Kendrick wears to the ring? They aren't shorts, they're not pants, and I don't think it's a skirt. It looks like he went shopping at a Renaissance fair or something.

12) Two chick matches in one night? That's a lot of puppies. Not to mention JBL's.

14) I'm superstitious.

15) Turn Back the Clock: The mic skills of the Ultimate Warrior.

16) I'm just saying: When did the Walls of Jericho become just a boring-ass Boston crab? It used to be cooler. ... Oops, Jericho just lost. I guess you could say he "went down in a blaze of glory."

17) I just figured out what John Cena's shoulderblock reminds me of: Ram Man.

Well, that's two hours I'll never get back.

Busted: Chris Bon Jericho

Ever since Chris Jericho made his triumphant return to the WWE (that might be going a little far -- some crowds have given him a positively Hugh Morrus-like response), something about him has bothered me. Maybe it was the wallet chain. Maybe it was his crap-ass new finishing move, which looks like it would actually hurt him more than his opponent. I just couldn't quite put my finger on it (that's what she said).

Last night, watching a re-run of SNL, I figured it out. Chris Jericho stole Jon Bon Jovi's hair.

I present video evidence.

Mr. Jericho: You, sir, are busted!

Top Ten Professional Wrestling Rivalries of All Time (EVER!)

I've really been slacking from my responsibilities as the guy who posts all things non-pure-sports-related on the site. I could tell you that I've been gone because I was underground as the target of a mass government conspiracy because I was the sole possessor of top secret classified information that could bring the country down.

But I'd just be lying. It's laziness, pure and simple.

For my triumphant (second) return, I thought I'd revisit the strange world of professional wrestling. I'm quite a fan of the "sport," after all, and I don't bother hiding it.

I noticed a rather piss-poor list of the top 50 wrestling feuds of all time. The idiot who compiled them included nothing but rivalries that occured within the WWE empire, and they were such weird, unheard of feuds as Bob Backlund VS Bret Hart or Harley Race VS Haku. Now, no disrespect to any of those guys (especially Bret) but those rivalries hardly set the wrestling world on fire. Have any of you ever heard of them?

Because I'm lazy (as I said earlier), I've only complied a list of the top ten pro wrestling rivalries, but even with only ten, it's a far better representation of the best feuds ever. I'm sure there'll be one or two I left out, but at least what is here definitely deserves it.

And here we go...

10) Rob Van Dam VS Jerry Lynn -- It was an RVD/Jerry Lynn match that initially hooked me on Extreme Championship Wrestling. There was little story behind this rivavlry, and there didn’t need to be. Van Dam and Lynn were so out-f***ing-standing in the ring, they didn’t NEED any stupid, sissy storyline. Okay, there was a bit of a story behind the battle: Lynn wanted to make a name for himself. That’s it. And he succeeded. These guys main evented ECW shows for the better part of a year, and people never left unsatisfied. In fact, they'd keep going back anytime the two were booked against each other.

9) Raven VS Tommy Dreamer -- This was probably the feud that ECW was built on. For three years, Tommy fought and fought to defeat his childhood nemesis, but he could never get that elusive victory. It wasn’t until Raven jumped ship for greener pastures in WCW that Tommy finally got his victory in their final match together (until Raven returned from WCW sometime later). Too bad for Tommy that Jerry “the King” Lawler showed up from WWF after the match ended and caned Tommy in the balls.

8) Bret Hart VS “Stone Cold” Steve Austin -- This feud was the beginning of Steve’s rise to world fame, and the beginning of the WWE's (then WWF's) famous Attitude era. Steve’s later battles with Vince McMahon and the corporate office catapulted him to superstar status, but his battles with Bret proved what a badass he was in the ring.

7) Ric Flair VS Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat -- Here we have a WCW rivalry that no one will remember if they haven't seen Ric Flair’s DVD. Flair has said he probably wrestled Steamboat a thousand times, and nearly every match was a good one. While Hulk Hogan posed and strutted through arenas while 80’s rock & roll played, Flair and Steamboat tore the house down with exciting wrestling clinics hardly seen these days.

6) Ric Flair VS Sting -- Yet another WCW rivalry few people other than the die-hard fans like myself and older generations will remember. Flair and Sting battled for five years or more, and they were always awesome. This is the rivalry that really made Sting’s career, much like every young star that feuded with Flair in those days. In the days before Hulk Hogan appeared in WCW, this was WCW's top rivalry.

5) Edge & Christian VS The Hardy Boyz -- This was another rivalry that lasted longer than most others did in the Attitude era. The most amazing part of it was the fact that it started when the Hardyz were literally no-namers. They became the replacements for Edge and Christian in the Brood faction--which is usually a death knell for any performer--but they were so amazing in the ring that fans couldn’t get enough of them. And their tag team ladder match for Terri Runnels’ personal services was a-freakin’-mazing--although I can’t understand why anyone would work so hard for Terri’s services.

4) “Stone Cold” Steve Austin VS The Rock -- Like most rivalries during the Attitude era's peak, this one was spawned from the ongoing feud Steve had with his maniacal boss and WWE Chairman Vince McMahon. However, unlike a lot of those rivalries, this one last for nearly four years. Rock and Austin went toe-to-toe several times, but people just never seemed to get tired of it. Even with Vince out of the picture toward the end, people still wanted to see these men beat the hell out of each other.

3) Hulk Hogan VS Andre the Giant -- Love him or hate him, Hulk WAS pro wrestling in the 80’s, and no one made a bigger (har har) or badder nemesis for him than the behemoth that was Andre. While the WM 3 match wasn’t exactly a five-star classic, the buildup was huge. Everyone wanted to see if Hogan could actually bodyslam the giant. And he did. Screw the fact that the match was forgettable. Hogan bodyslammed a human being that weighed well over 500 pounds, something that had never been done (on national TV anyway) before.

2) New World Order VS World Championship Wrestling -- The nWo and their rebellion against WCW was a big factor in changing the wrestling landscape. And, like the Austin/McMahon feud on the other channel, everything in WCW tied into this epic battle. Sure it ran too long (way too long), but at it’s peak with “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan VS Sting, it was phenomenal. Not only that, it kicked Vince’s proverbial ass in the ratings and proved that Vince WASN’T the king of wrestling. Anything that does that is okay in my book.

And now the number one rivalry in professional wrestling...

1) “Stone Cold” Steve Austin VS Vince McMahon -- I've mentioned it several times already. It was the biggest part of WWE’s (then WWF’s) success and a major part of the Attitude era. Everything about the show somehow tied into it. The good guys were all the rebels refusing to conform, and the bad guys were all the corporate ass-kissers. In the end, the feud's main drawing power was one thing: everyone has or had a boss they want to beat the hell out of.

So there you have it. The top ten. I'm sure some people can think of others, but I think we can all agree (those of us who like pro wrestling, anyway) that these feuds deserve their spot one way or another.

WrestleMania 22 Results: When I'm right, I'm right...When I'm wrong, nevermind

I got 8 out of 11 picks right. Ashton Kutcher has nothing on me, I'm awesome! Let's just have a look at each match and see how I did.

Tag-Team Championship: Champions Kane and Big Show def. Carlito and Chris Masters
First match in, and I got it one wrong, but that doesn't make it right. Cueball and Big Slow retain the belts and will continue to do nothing with them. By next month, no one will even realize there's a tag team title on RAW, and the belts will fade into obscurity. Kinda like the one-legged wrestler that used to be on SmackDown. Remember him? Exactly.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match: RVD def. Lashley, Finley, Matt Hardy, Shelton Benjamin, and Ric Flair
I was right, I'm awesome! The Whole F'n Show came through for me. Let's just hope when he "cashes in" it pays off more than it did for Edge. Personally, I thought it would've been great if he'd "cashed in" at the end of the show after the WWE title match with Cena and HHH, but I'm asking for too much I guess.

US Championship: JBL def. Champion Chris Benoit
Wrong again here. JBL snuck away with the win when, and let me make sure I get it right...Benoit reversed the Clothesline from Hell into the Crippler Crossface and JBL reversed that into a sort of Northern Lights pin while using the ropes for leverage (which is cheating, for those who don't know). Never knew the rich white guy had it in him.

Hardcore Match: Edge def. Mick Foley
Holy @#$%!!! Blood, bats, barbed wire, thumbtacks, and a flaming table. The only WWE match I've seen that was more brutal was the infamous Mankind/Undertaker Hell in a Cell. Mick even made Mr. Socko hardcore by wrapping barbed wire around him.

Handicap Match: Booker T and Sharmell VS The Boogeyman
Right again. I'm awesome, yeah you know it. Boogeyman scored the victory with a Baldo Bomb and a mouthful of worms.

Women's Championship: Mickie James def. Champion Trish Stratus
Right again, why am I so kickass? This was a pretty historical match in that it was the first to ever have a finish that involved crotch grabbing and finger licking. Wonder if GLAD will endorse Mickie after what WWE did to them a year or so ago?

Casket Match: Undertaker def. Mark Henry
I was right, but no one cares. Just like no one cared about this match. Utter crap. It was pointless going in. It was pointless during it. And it was pointless afterward. Taker remains undefeated at WrestleMania with his streak at 14-0, but I bet he would've rather ended his career with a loss in a world title match instead of carrying a 400 pound man who lookes like the Predator around the ring.

No Holds Barred Match: Shawn Michaels def. Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon and the entire Spirt Squad
Yes, Shawn single-handedly defeated seven people. And yes, I was right here, too. Shawn had to handcuff Shane to the ring ropes to keep him front interfering, but apparantly the Spirit Sqad members are so fragile that a punch to the face renders them all unconcious until the match's conclusion. After taking a 20-foot elbow drop and Sweet Chin Music, Vince was wheeled to the back still giving Shawn the finger, which means the feud isn't over, which means we still get to see Vince show his ass on television.

World Heavyweight Championship Triple Threat Match: Rey Mysterio def. Rando Orton and Champion Kurt Angle
Right again. This should've been the Main Event, but none of the contenders were Vince's son-in-law. Rey pinned Orton after he and Orton both tapped out to Angle's Ankle Lock, but the ref didn't see it either time. Funny how that works out. This was probably the match of the night, and it's cool to see Rey as World Champ. Even if it's just temporary.

Playboy Pillow Fight: Torrie Wilson def. Candace Michelle
Who won? Torrie? Did anyone care? Both women ended up in their skivvies. Like we haven't seen that before... Not that I'm complaining, though.

WWE Championship: Champion John Cena def. HHH
Wrong here. Big time. In the most jaw-dropped moment in wrestling history, HHH jobbed clean to Cena by tapping out. Yes, Hunter did the job. Clean. Did I mention he lost? At WrestleMania?

So there you have it. WrestleMania 22 is officially in the books, so to speak. And I can say I got to see all of it: Shane getting his faced shoved up Vince's ass, Boogeyman eating worms, the Predator getting locked in a casket, and the first intentional wrestling female-to-female crotch grab in history.

"Hallelujah."

Forget the Final Four! Here's me WrestleMania 22 predictions!

With WrestleMania coming up this Sunday, I thought I'd add some "sports entertainment" to the sports site today by giving you my prediction for the show that brought wrestling out of bingo halls and into the limelight...or at least that's what Vince McMahon would like us to believe. Anyhoo, on to the matches...!


Torrie Wilson VS Candice Michelle (Playboy Pillow Fight)
Is this really a WrestleMania match? Are they serious? This would barely be an opener for their weekly TV shows. I love seeing hot chicks undressed as much as the next guy, but dedicating even five minutes of what's supposed to be the biggest wrestling show of the year just seems like heresy. No one cares who wins.

The Boogyman VS Booker T
The incredibly talented, incredibly misused, and despite it all incredibly entertaining 5-time WCW Champ, Booker T, is taking on the Boogeyman. Booker T has that cool Scissor Kick finisher, the Book End (his version of the Rock Bottom), and the Spin-A-Roonie (I know it's not really a move, but it's still fun to watch). The Boogeyman eats worms. So obviously Boogeyman gets the nod, based on WWE's "wild new direction."

Women's Championship: Champion Trish Stratus VS Mickie James
WWE just has a thing for lesbians. In fact, this match has more build than any other match on the card. Mickie's been lusting after Trish ever since last year. And I guess when the object of your affections turns you down flat, the only alternative is to challenge her to a match at WrestleMania. I suspect Mickie will be leaving WrestleMania as the first openly gay lesbian champ. And then next Monday on RAW she'll strut to the ring with Rico and say it was all just a publicity stunt.

Tag Team Championship: Champions Kane & Big Show VS Chris Masters & Carlito
Kane and Big Show should've been huge. They were big. They were bad. They were actually mildly over. So naturally, WWE did nothing with them. Carlito and Masters are actually pretty fun as a pair of bad guys. Although, without Carlito, Masters is nothing, even though Vince is so horny for big men. The smart decision is to go with Carlito and Masters.

United States Championship: Champion Chris Benoit VS JBL
Oh how the mighty have fallen. These guys are both former World Champions. And JBL, whether I liked him or not, was champ for nearly a year. But they're last names aren't Helmsley-McMahon so they're battling for the title of second place. JBL doesn't need to be US champ. He needs to be chasing the world title. Regardless of what Benoit deserves (the World title), he'll make a better US champ than JBL. Benoit retains.

Edge VS Cactus Jack
Edge was the most over World Champion in recent history when he took the World title from Cena at the end of last year. So, naturally, they took the title back a month later. So, for Foley's annual, coming-out-of-retirment-for-WrestleMania-match, Foley takes on Edge. And Foley always loses to put over younger talent. Admirable, but Edge doesn't really need it. Edge wins.

Casket Match: Undertaker VS Mark Henry
Haven't seen a casket match since Shawn Michaels originally hurt his back. Unfortunately, this match won't be near as good. Undertaker can barely move due to age and years of punishment to his body, and Henry can't move because he's a freakin' tank. Henry's just being fed to Undertaker to continue the WrestleMania undefeated streak. Undertaker wins, but the audience will be out getting popcorn or visiting the restroom.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Lashley, Matt Hardy, Finley, Shelton Benjamin, Rob Van Dam, and Ric Flair will battle for the opportunity to have a World Title shot whenever they want. Of all the matches on the card, this one will probably be the most entertaining. Lashley and Finley have been fueding lately, and many people speculate that they'll end up fighting into the crowd and disappearing from the match altogether--which is a good thing. Benjamin is currently the Intercontinental Champ, so he doesn't need a World Title opportunity just yet. And Ric Flair never needs another World Title shot ever again. Ever. That leaves Matt Hardy and RVD--both good choices. My pick: RVD, and he'll take his shot at the next ECW: One Night Stand PPV.

No Holds Barred Match: Vince McMahon VS Shawn Michaels
No DQ Match, No Holds Barred Match, Street Fight...whatever... They can call it whatever they like. It'll still suck. Shawn will win, and no one will care.

World Heavyweight Championship: Champion Kurt Angle VS Randy Orton VS Rey Mysterio
Mysterio won the Royal Rumble to gain a title shot at WrestleMania's main event. But his last name isn't McMahon-Helmsley, and neither are his opponents', so they're not in the Main Event. I have a hunch Rey will win his first World Championship. But they'll probably make him lose it to Orton a month later.

WWE Championship: Champion John Cena VS HHH
Yes, there are 2 world titles. It's because there are supposed to be two seperate "brands." Yes, it's very stupid. Hunter is married to Stephanie McMahon, and yes, it has everything to do with why he's always the champ and always in the Main Event. Trips wins after the almighty Pedigree. And the audience will groan for the tenth time.

This Month in Rasslin'

Some people like wrestling. (Maybe 3 or 4 dozen) And some people hate it. (Everyone else) I’m not sure why so many people hate professional wrestling. Aside from occasionally airing an interview where a man insults an entire race, accuses another man of necrophelia, or suggests that a recently deceased man is currently in Hell, it’s not like the shows ever really hurt anyone.

Well, everyone except the performers themselves who’ve died like Owen Hart, the British Bulldog, the Big Bossman, Curt Hennig, Miss Elizabeth, Hawk, Crash Holly, and several others--all within the last three years, all in their early forties at the oldest.

Lately it seems that THE federation, WWE (formerly WWF) will soon join that toll. Ever since the infamous “InVasion” saga, which were supposed to be a sort of inter-promotional war between WWE and the recently McMahon purchased WCW and ECW, ratings for the weekly shows have been in the toilet. The famed storyline that, as RD Reynolds from Wrestlecrap.com said, everyone wanted to see and then no one wanted to remember, has been something that Vince McMahon still hasn’t recovered from.

Even now, years after the colossal failure, WWE still tries to imitate duel, warring federations by featuring different talent on both shows. The result is a show that sucks and another show that sucks more.

However, there are bright spots here and there. There are a handful of insanely talented guys on the shows: Chris Benoit, Rob Van Dam, Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio, and Edge.

Rey Mysterio recently won the Royal Rumble and earned a main event title shot at WrestleMania, the biggest wrestling show of all (think of it as wrestling’s version of the SuperBowl). So, naturally, he lost that privilege to Randy Orton, a newcomer from St. Louis (sorry, Shaun, I can’t forgive your town for spawning this guy).

Two months ago, Edge won the world title from John Cena and dubbed himself “the Rated R Superstar.” Ratings skyrocketed for the first time in years. So, it only made sense to give the title back to Cena a few weeks later. So at WrestleMania, we have Randy Orton and John Cena, two guys whose abilities in and out of the ring pale in comparison to the names above. And, we all know that Hunter Hearst Helmsley-McMahon (he recently married Vince’s daughter, and yes, he’s always in the main event) will get a title shot at ‘Mania. Oh, and the 50-plus-year-old Undertaker will probably be in on the fun, too.

Oh, did you know that Undertaker is undefeated at WrestleMania? 12-0, I think. Yeah, I didn’t really care, either.

So, I’ll pass on WrestleMania this year. The only Pay-Per-View I plan on checking out this year is the next yearly ECW One Night Stand show.

Now, someone once asked me why I’d write about wrestling if it currently sucks so bad. Well, I’m always hoping that someday things will improve again. I have high hopes for the new federation, NWA: TNA that’s slowly been rising up. Rumor has it they’ll have a weekly Thursday night show on Spike TV within the next month. I hope so. I’ve seen their shows from time to time, and they’re good.