RAW Is a Waste of Time

As always, I half-watched while also surfing the net for ... umm ... stuff.

1) Cena's back. It appears he and Randy Orton will feud for the right to wear the championship buzzcut. If not for Cena's jorts, it would be hard to tell the two of them apart.
2) Not actually RAW, but: There was a Harlem Globetrotters game on My 46. Color commentary man: Arsenio Hall. The 'Trotters only won by nine points. It's not too late to jump on the Generals' bandwagon.
3) The RAW announce team now includes sideline reporter Mike Adamle, formerly of "American Gladiators." Can he fill Todd Pettengill's shoes?
4) Switching back and forth between RAW and the State of the Union Address. I kept waiting for a "You fucked up" chant, but no dice. There were a few "Bush Fears Goldberg" signs, though.
5) Cognitive dissonance: I watch RAW, but have no interest whatsoever in UFC.
6) DX re-union! Sorry, fellas, but without "Badass" Billy Gunn (aka, the Assman), you're nothing to me. It doesn't seem very X-treme for Triple H to wear an adjustable baseball cap. Get that shit fitted, son. And wear it backwards. Also: Neon green? That's right up there with the Hitman's poontang pink as worst color scheme ever. And then when you talk about getting ready to suck it ...
7) Fun fact: Snitsky is a former Mizzou Tiger football player.
8) Hottest current WWE chick: Beth Phoenix. You could disagree, but you'd be wrong.
9) Some time around 9:00 I realized that I'm no better than the thousands of other Inter-nerds who write RAW reports. Major soul-searching followed.
10) Maybe this just reveals my ignorance in the field of fake leprechauns, but why is Hornswaggle's face always dirtier than a pair of Britney Spears' panties?
11) What the hell do you call those things that Brian Kendrick wears to the ring? They aren't shorts, they're not pants, and I don't think it's a skirt. It looks like he went shopping at a Renaissance fair or something.
12) Two chick matches in one night? That's a lot of puppies. Not to mention JBL's.
14) I'm superstitious.
15) Turn Back the Clock: The mic skills of the Ultimate Warrior.
16) I'm just saying: When did the Walls of Jericho become just a boring-ass Boston crab? It used to be cooler. ... Oops, Jericho just lost. I guess you could say he "went down in a blaze of glory."
17) I just figured out what John Cena's shoulderblock reminds me of: Ram Man.

Well, that's two hours I'll never get back.


Anonymous said...

you didn't change the channel to watch chalk talk? you're such a loser.

Anonymous said...


Oh, local access. I get to play with my Cox. Cox Cable that is...