Where Can I Get My Haircut Now?

Well, fuck.

Kevin Slaten is drooling now.


(editor's note: the opinions expressed by Big Head don't reflect the official stance of HMW, which was stolen from the official stance of Sir. Manny in LF for the Cardinals needs to happen)

The Verdict is In, October 6, Slaten Returns

Ahh, the classic Paul Newman movie, the Verdict..... Yeah, it's an oldie but worth it. I think it is especially worth watching in the middle of a cold St. Louis winter, as the movie has that tone to it.


Unfortunately for us, the verdict is that Kevin Slaten returns to the St. Louis airwaves on October 6th, after his no-compete clause in his old contract with KFNS ends. While Mr. Slaten stated that St. Louis County Circuit Judge Larry L. Kendrick would be more suited to work in Baghdad, Moscow (presumably in pre 1991 Soviet Russia), or somewhere else, it appears that unlike those sent to the Gulags, Slaten gets another chance.

In other news, your humble legal correspondent to Bert Flex just completed a 2 day jury trial in St. Louis County. He also managed to get a jury verdict favorable to his client. While I cannot comment on whether Mr. Slaten has actually tried a case before a jury, I wouldn't want him as my attorney, or as my client. He has such a talent for making an ass of himself.

Kevin Slaten, Again

Here at B-Flex, we've really beaten the Kevin Slaten horse to death. The saga has been fun to pay attention to, as we hope this is the end of the Slaten era in St. Louis media. Unfortunately the chances of that are about 0%, since the market has a lot of men 45-59 years old with mustaches and jorts who hang onto every word he says.

An excellent article hit the RFT's website on Wednesday regarding all things Slaten: history, career, personal life, family life, legal troubles, etc. It is recommended reading if you have 10-15 minutes and are in the right mood. If you're having a good day, I'd say don't waste your time. If you're a little pissy today, check it out.

Quick analysis: the piece starts out with comments from current-day Slaten, promising/threatening to dig up dirt on the writer if she writes about his negative past. Believe it or not, Kevin comes off as a complete jackass. But, as the saying goes, bad publicity is good publicity.

And articles like this don't help the cause of getting Slaten run out of town. This is exactly what "the kingdom" wants: people to talk about him, good or bad.

RFT dives deeper and deeper into Slaten's history, even putting him in a positive light at some points. No telling if the writer meant to do this, or tried as much as possible to stay on the king's good side.

Once again, it is a well-written article. It's just too bad the focus is on an assclown like Kevin Slaten.

We here at Bert Flex stand by our statements made previously about Kevin Slaten: he is a douchebag. He is a jerk. And he sucks at life. He makes money for the radio stations that he works for, and that's fine for them...but he sucks at radio too. If Kevin would like to dig up dirt about us, our families, and/or our significant others, he is more than welcome to.

One thing he ought to keep in mind about us, and the RFT writer: nobody fucking cares who we are. Kristen Hinman wrote the article. You're really going to go after her? I don't even remember her name, and I just wrote it two sentences ago.

Let's play along and say that Slaten is back on the air in early October. Is he going to use his first show bashing Kristen Hinman? I can hear it now -

"Kristen Hinman, you're a liar! You're wrong! I hired a private investigator, recommended by my personal superlawyer, Chet Pleban, and found out that you dated a guy six years ago who smoked doobies in his basement. Doobies!! You're wrong! Carpe Diem!"

Oh yeah, her career is totally ruined now.

For the first time ever, I should have listened to Steve Savard: post the link and say "I don't want to waste my time." Classic.


Thursday update: Slaten leaves a voicemail to the RFT. Link here.

Serious Journalism Alert-Kevin Slaten May Have Violated Attorney Rules

Anyone want to file a Bar Complaint on Kevin Slaten? We all know of Slaten's ability to make an ass of himself. Sadly this man went to law school and passed the same bar exam I did. He isn't really a credit to the profession, and his recent comments could land him in hot water with the Supreme Court of Missouri.

On Friday, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch ran a story on Kevin Slaten’s reaction to a St. Louis County Circuit Judge’s ruling on the enforceability of the non-compete clause in Slaten’s contract with KFNS. The full story is here. Here are three quotes attributed to Slaten which could land him in trouble with the Supreme Court of Missouri:

"Based on a ruling like this, according to this court, we live in Baghdad,''

"In the United States of America, you can be prevented from earning a living because some judge says so,'' Slaten said.”I think that's a disgrace, a total disgrace. In Baghdad you can be prevented from making a living. In Moscow you can be prevented from making a living — and in St. Louis you can be prevented from making a living. That's what these three cities have in common. This judge would serve well in Moscow, he'd be perfect in Baghdad.''

"This judge needs to recuse himself from any other proceedings in this case,'' Slaten said. "He obviously has a dislike for me. None of what he wrote is supported by any of the testimony. I defy him to show me the testimony that supports what he concluded. ... The testimony is 100 percent to the opposite.''

While none of this seems to be too out-of-line for Slaten, one must remember, that sadly Slaten is an attorney himself, Missouri Bar number 36656, and as an active member of the Missouri Bar, subject to the rules of the Supreme Court of Missouri. As such, Slaten’s comments may land him in hot water with the Missouri Bar’s Office of Chief Disciplinary Counsel. It appears from the context of the article that Slaten was trying to couch his comments in terms of being a litigant than being an attorney. However, this attempted bit of cleverness may not be enough for Slaten to escape trouble. An attorney is an attorney always, no matter what time of day it is, or what day of the week it is. Whether Slaten was acting as an attorney or as a client doesn’t matter, as he is always subject to the authority of the Supreme Court of Missouri.

You may be asking yourself “what did he do wrong?” Well, for starters, Slaten’s comments, if he actually said them, appear to be a violation of Missouri Supreme Court Rule 4-4.84: Misconduct. That rule, among other things, states:

It is professional misconduct for a lawyer to:(a) violate or attempt to violate the Rules of Professional Conduct, knowingly assist or induce another to do so, or do so through the acts of another;(b) commit a criminal act that reflects adversely on the lawyer's honesty, trustworthiness, or fitness as a lawyer in other respects;(c) engage in conduct involving dishonesty, fraud, deceit, or misrepresentation;(d) engage in conduct that is prejudicial to the administration of justice;(e) state or imply an ability to influence improperly a government agency or official or to achieve results by means that violate the Rules of Professional Conduct or other law; (f) knowingly assist a judge or judicial officer in conduct that is a violation of applicable rules of judicial conduct or other law; or(g) manifest by words or conduct, in representing a client, bias or prejudice based upon race, sex, religion, national origin, disability, age, or sexual orientation. This Rule 4-8.4(g) does not preclude legitimate advocacy when race, sex, religion, national origin, disability, age, sexual orientation, or other similar factors, are issues.


In addition, in Rule 4-3.5, states:

A lawyer shall not:(a) seek to influence a judge, juror, prospective juror, or other official by means prohibited by law;(b) communicate ex parte with such a person during the proceeding unless authorized to do so by law or court order;(c) communicate with a juror or prospective juror after discharge of the jury if:(1) the communication is prohibited by law or court order;
(2) the juror has made known to the lawyer a desire not to communicate; or
(3) the communication involves misrepresentation, coercion, duress, or harassment; or(d) engage in conduct intended to disrupt a tribunal.

Comment 4 to this rule sums up Slaten’s possible misconduct:

[4] The advocate's function is to present evidence and argument so that the cause may be decided according to law. Refraining from abusive or obstreperous conduct is a corollary of the advocate's right to speak on behalf of litigants. A lawyer may stand firm against abuse by a judge but should avoid reciprocation; the judge's default is no justification for similar dereliction by an advocate. An advocate can present the cause, protect the record for subsequent review, and preserve professional integrity by patient firmness no less effectively than by belligerence or theatrics.

So what does one do, knowing that Slaten may have violated his professional obligations as an attorney? Anyone can file a confidential complaint against Slaten through the Missouri Office of Chief Disciplinary Counsel, here. As an attorney, I may be obligated to file a complaint, because I know of his misconduct. Of course, if any Bertflex.com reader wants to file their own complaint, and needs help, let me know.

What will happen if Slaten is reported? He would probably get reprimanded. Some of our readers may remember former St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Buzz Westfall ran into similar hot water when he called the Missouri Court of Appeals “dishonest.”

Douchebag Report: Kevin Slaten Edition

It seems that Kevin Slaten is barred from appearing on St. Louis radio in a sports role until October 6, 2008. According to this article from the St. Louis Post Dispatch, a St. Louis County Circuit judge upheld the non-compete clause in Slaten's contract. However, Slaten is barred from only a sports broadcasting role, he can appear in any other facet.

What does this mean? Not much really. Non-compete clauses are used a lot in the business world. Courts have tended to allow enforcement of the provisions, as long as none of the typical contract law defenses exist, such as fraud, you signed it under duress, etc. I checked the leading contract law treatises, and being a major tool is not one of those defenses, so the 6th month "Slaten Vacation" will be allowed to continue. Unfortunately for us, October 6, 2008 is fast approaching.

As a side note, I think there are only two people in St. Louis who actually like Slaten, they are the ones who post favorable comments about him on the Post Dispatch stories. Then again, I'm suspicious that at least one of those posters is Slaten himself, so that really only makes 1.....

The Brilliant Legal Theories of Kevin Slaten and Chet Pleban

Recently, Kevin Slaten gave the St. Louis Post-Dispatch a "peek" into fellow member of the Missouri Bar, Kevin “The King” Slaten's law suit against KFNS. More than likely, this is a tactic encouraged by Slaten's attorney, "Super Lawyer" Chet Pleban to further taint the St. Louis County jury pool with selected disinformation about the suit. Nonetheless, it's a good tactic, but only if your client isn't a douchebag.

Evidently, the case, which arose because KFNS fired Slaten after he put Dave Duncan on the air, without Duncan's consent, will turn on a novel legal theory, throw the producer under the bus. Yes, Slaten is blaming the whole thing on his producer's Attention Deficit Disorder. First, it was the Cardinals' fault for firing Slaten by pressuring KFNS, now it's ADD. I expect Pleban to add the makers of Ridilin as a defendant to the suit any day now. Way to go guys! Great way to sell your side of the story, embarrass your former producer by making his disability public. Gentlemen, what you have done, is to honor the profession of the practice of law.

Sports and the Law: Chet Pleban and Kevin Slaten-Made for Each Other

As some of you may know, Kevin Slaten, the king of all St. Louis sports radio jerks has hired St. Louis "super lawyer" Chet Pleban to represent him. Pleban, in turn, has filed a wrongful termination suit on behalf of Slaten against KFNS in St. Louis County Circuit Court. At first, this seemed to be pretty standard legal fare, high profile person gets fired, person sues former employer, parties reach undisclosed settlement at some point in future, person appears on another local media outlet.

Instead, Slaten and Pleban have spun conspiracy theory stories about how Slaten was really fired due to an unknown person high up in the Cardinals organization putting pressure on KFNS to fire Slaten. Such stories bring up visions of Tony LaRussa smoking cigarettes endlessly in some office deep within Busch Stadium issuing orders, much like Chain Smoking Man, from the X Files. Until Slaten hired Pleban, I did not think it was possible for Slaten to be seen as any more of a douche bag.

In a legal tactic that is only befitting a person representing Slaten, who is sadly a fellow member of the Missouri Bar himself, Pleban recently announced that Slaten didn't sign just one contract, but TWO! The story is here. Evidently Slaten, and Pleban are now spinning the ridiculous story that Slaten signed two contracts, one with Big League Broadcasting and the other with KFNS, bringing his salary to an ungodly $320,000.00.

I could fill up the rest of this column with some fine legal analysis on whether there is a contract, what that involves, but I won't. My fast and dirty analysis is that Slaten, through his attorney Pleban are making a ridiculous claim. If Slaten signed a second contract in September, but wasn't fired until nearly six months later, didn't he notice that his paychecks were about half of what they can be? In other words, you are allegedly an attorney, and your employer is supposedly screwing you out of half of your salary, and you don't notice until your fancy pants attorney tells you after you were fired? Needless to say, his argument doesn't even pass the "stink test."

What we likely have here is a tactic by Slaten and Pleban to do one of two things, 1) bring more legal pressure on KFNS to reach a settlement with Pleban and Slaten, and make this whole law suit go away, or 2) if this matter ever goes to a jury trial, to start to taint the jury pool by spinning your side of the story. Of course, many parts of contract law involve legal determinations, and juries only decide factual issues, so it is unclear at this stage, if and what role a jury would play in this saga.

Until then, we can be treated to weekly nuggets like this story. Who knows, maybe Pleban will find Slaten's third contract.....

KFNS Hangs Up on Kevin Slaten

I know many (zero) of you worship and admire Kevin Slaten, and it has to be painful to hear this news:

Kevin Slaten was fired Friday by KFNS in the wake of a controversial interview last week with Cardinals pitching coach Dave Duncan, and says the Cardinals are behind the move and that his former station is spineless.

This would have been posted sooner, but we were all in the mourning process (Wendy's run). Not that Kevin Slaten getting fired is a huge shock or anything; in the overly-sensitive world that we live in, if you've ever listened to his show you probably said to yourself, "this dude's getting fired someday."

Honestly I was kind of hoping he would go out for a better reason - maybe a racial slur or getting into a bar fight after a show (oh wait, that already happened). But this will have to do.

If you're not aware of the original story of Slaten's interview with Dave Duncan, here is the Post-Dispatch's article from last week.

Bertflex's own Sir could not be reached for comment tonight, he is assumed to be hanging out at the Bill Swerski's Superfans show in Chicago. A couple years ago, Sir was hung up on by Slaten over an argument on something about why left handed hitters can't hit left handed pitching, but right handed hitters don't have that problem with righties. Pretty intense, I know. Unfortunately, no one on the Bertflex staff heard that conversation that day, so we have left it up to our own impersonations to recreate how much "he's wrong!!"

Since Slaten has bounced around to many different radio jobs over the years, I'd imagine he'll only be out of work for a couple months, if that long. The funny thing is, is that this isn't even the best Kevin Slaten news of the week, seeing how this is possibly the greatest thing of all-time. That's right, it's a piece of toast that looks exactly like Kevin Slaten! Un-freakin'-believable! As of press time, you only have 6 more days to bid. What are you waiting for?

[As a side note to the first photo above of Kevin and that impressive mustache, I think you'll enjoy what event they were broadcasting in 1984:

Kevin Slaten and Stacie St. James as host and color announcers respectively for the SportsTime Cable Network production "Purnia Cat Classic All Women's Gymnastics Meet" from the Hearn's Center.

I have actually never seen this until now. I highly highly recommend that you click this link and play the video (click Kevin's photo...and get ready for some Survivor).]