Worst Thing Ever Alert

Being the young, successful, in-the-know businessman that I am, I read an article on Yahoo Finance yesterday about 15 Companies That May Not Survive 2009.

Some no-brainers are on the list, like Six Flags and Blockbuster. Everyone knows they're struggling. But one company on the list is a true heart breaker: Krispy Kreme.

From the write-up on Yahoo:

Krispy Kreme. (KKD; about 4,000 employees; stock down 50%). The donuts might be good, but Krispy Kreme overestimated Americans' appetite - and that's saying something. This chain overexpanded during the donut heyday of the 1990s - taking on a lot of debt - and now requires high volumes to meet expenses and interest payments. The company has cut costs and closed underperforming stores, but still hasn't earned an operating profit in three years. And now that consumers are cutting back on everything, such improvements may fail to offset top-line declines, leading Krispy Kreme to seek some kind of relief from lenders over the next year.

'Mericah has gone through some rough days recently, but could you imagine the countrywide depression we'd all go through if there were no more Krispy Kreme? I'm not talking about "Great Depression" depression...this is cry-yourself-to-sleep levels of sadness.

If I were you, I'd go buy stock in whoever makes Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, etc. Business will increase dramatically from Sir, Big Head, and I alone. In the meantime, we'll continue to be fat bastards with donut glaze all over our keyboards.

Go support Krispy Kreme. 'Mericah is counting on you.

Our Keys to Victory: Work Edition

On every pregame show, the announcers like to talk about their "Keys to Victory" for each team. It pretty much lays out obvious things that each team needs to do in order to win that particular game (example: before the Cardinals/Eagles game Sunday, Troy Aikman said Philly's keys are 1) the defense must step up and 2) Westbrook and McNabb must have big games. Really Troy? The D, RB and QB need to play well? That's unheard of, but since you're on TV, I have no other option but to trust you).

Anyway, whenever you have a shitty day at work, here are my keys to turning your day around and coming out with a victory:

1) Leave work
2) Go to Wendy's
3) Eat Wendy's
4) Pass the fuck out for three hours

Do that. You win.

But be sure to wake up in time to write your InsideSTL columns before deadline. Speaking of, here is this week's article, poking more fun at Crush Drunkan's expense.

Another side note: I'm rapidly becoming a big fan of Wendy's Double Stacks. Like all fast food pics, the photo above is a little generous, but they are damn tasty. It makes up for the price hike on the chicken nuggets (now $1.19).

The Worst Foods of 2009 - According to Not Us

Back in the summer we had a big discussion about a list of the Worst Foods in America, and it pretty much confirmed we are a bunch of disgusting bastards.

Today I caught word that the updated list for 2009 is out. Head over to Men's Health to learn about the foods that normal people should avoid. We, on the other hand, fully endorse all 20 foods.

With all the greasy options out there, you might be surprised that #1 isn't something deep fried. It's the Baskin Robbins Large Heath Bar Shake, filled with 2,310 calories of yummy goodness.

Even though it's fucking cold outside, my suggestion is to go out and try this immediately. At the beginning of the article, it says that eight out of last year's list of twenty have been removed from their respective menus. So it's possible that a year from now (if not sooner), we could be celebrating the memory of the Heath Bar Shake.

In disappointing news, I haven't had anything on this year's list. I blame it on them using too many places I don't go to (Chili's, Outback Steakhouse, Romano's Macaroni Grill, Uno Chicago Grill), not to mention using those places more than once. If I really put my mind to it, I think I could knock out three or four of these (looking at the Hardee's and DQ entries especially) by the end of the weekend. We'll see.

I enjoy reading articles like this, as it usually provides me some entertainment and is something I can have fun discussing with other people. But one thing kind of got me riled up, provoking a smidgen of anger within my system.

The one bone I have to pick (literally...you'll get the joke in two seconds) is the category of "Worst Ribs of 2009." Uh, Men's Health: there is no such thing as Worst Ribs, so you need to shut your whore mouth. I believe Ponderosa was selling a rib platter with rat poison seasoning in the fall of '07, and they weren't that bad. Only the close-minded people had a problem with them...

For reference, MH's "Worst Ribs" are the full rack of Outback Steakhouse Baby Back Ribs, which means I need to be there with my Krusty Brand Heart Defibrillator ASAP.

Oh, Trust Me, I Believe It's Not Butter

It's no secret that we here at BertFlex like to get fat. We're a sports blog (sort of) with a bacon tag. TGF routinely fantasizes about destroying large pizzas, Sir knows the ins and outs of all-you-can-eat offers across this fair city, and HMW has eaten seven filets mignon in one sitting. Although I've lauded Crisco for its applications during sexy time with Jason LaRue (what?), I'd still cut my pie crust dough with lard if it didn't lead to the awkward conversation where you ask about the secret ingredient in my extra-delicious pies and I tell you it's time to increase your life insurance policy. So yeah, we're fat.

Then imagine my delight when I learned that margarine is illegal in Missouri. Margarine is bullshit. It's science. Seriously, one of my classmates in middle school did her science fair project on various fats used in chocolate-chip cookies, then did blind taste tests. The margarine cookies scored way lower on the deliciousness scale than those made with butter. So there you go: If a randomized control trial -- the gold standard of scientific studies -- at Holman Middle School proved it's true, then it's fucking true.

Unfortunately, my delight turned to horror when I bothered to read the Post-Dispatch article on the butter law and learned that our state officials don't take butter protection seriously:

JEFFERSON CITY -- A southwest Missouri lawmaker wants to decriminalize margarine.

House member Sara Lampe said Tuesday that she plans to file legislation repealing Missouri's butter law, which dates to 1895.

The law restricts the sale, possession or shipment of imitation butter and bans yellow-tinted varieties. Those dealing contraband dairy products can be fined up to $100 and jailed for up to a month.

Lampe, a Springfield Democrat, said the law doesn't make sense anymore.

Enforcement is up to the state Department of Agriculture. And spokeswoman Misti Preston said the butter laws are no longer enforced.

Preston said the regulations likely were created to protect Missouri's dairy industry.

This is the sort of lax regulation that led to the Enron scandal, the 2008 fuel crisis, and the surprisingly poor sales of Nelly's latest album. Not. Acceptable. (Plus there's a war on. And another war on. And a budget shortfall in Missouri. And old people just walking around the state like they own the fucking place. I mean, shouldn't our representatives worry about that stuff instead and leave the butter scuffles to the people?)

Anyway, consider yo'self warned: If you use margarine in front of me, I'm going to taser your ass and perform a citizens' arrest. Don't think I won't.

Challenge Him!

In an attempt to gross everyone out and destroy the insides of my body even more, I would like to announce that I'll be eating the following for dinner before poker Wednesday night:

-One McRib
-One Triple Steak Burrito from Taco Bell

We found out earlier that the TSB costs over $4, so you know it's good. I'm already leading the poker league, so while I'm in a food coma of happiness, everyone else will have a tremendous shot of catching up.

If you want in on the McRib/TSB challenge, you're also a fat bastard.

And a damn fine American.

Man Eats 15lb Burger, becomes New Honorary Flexer!

Brad Sciullo a Pennsylvania man took 4 hours and 39 minutes to eat an entire 15 pound hamburger himself. With a bun and condiments, the burger weighed in at just over 20 pounds, including, a bun, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, onions, mild banana peppers and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard and relish. The burger is sold at Denny's Beer Barrel pub in Clearfield, PA, better known as being featured in some Hardee's commericals.

I think Sir needs to take a trip to Clearfield to see if he can beat the record.

A Big Fat Post About Food

I'm sure I could have come up with something witty, but once you see pictures of bacon, meaningless words won't matter.

Since we've become the local experts on bacon, we receive links about bacon from time to time (haymang@yahoo.com). The first one is sent from friend of the site Andy, about the Minnesota State Fair (which has since gone by). Some of the food choices included "Pig Lickers, Pickle Pops and Big Fat Bacon."

Let's get the pickle pop out of the way first - it has nothing to do with meat.

The Pig Lickers (great fantasy team name, or band name) is chocolate-covered bacon, which has been discussed here before. CCB is very good, you should try it sometime.

On to the Big Fat Bacon. With a name like that, it's got to be good, right? It is one-third pound of bacon, fried, and caramelized with maple syrup. And just to get the Bert Flex seal of approval, they serve it on a stick.

That wins.

Link two is from chow.com, listing 10 Ways to Eat More Bacon. It includes the standard bacon vodka, lollipops, and chocolate. A new idea is bacon-wrapped tater tots. That's brilliant.

But the winner from the entire top 10 looks to be a draw between bacon chocolate chip cookies (pictured) and a Fool's Gold Loaf. What the hell is Fool's Gold Loaf? Here is the description:

This specialty from the late Colorado Gold Mine Restaurant features an entire loaf of Italian bread hollowed out and filled with peanut butter, grape jelly, and a full pound of fried bacon. The loaf technically serves 8 to 10 people—but its most famous fan, Elvis, would often chow down on the 42,000-calorie sandwich alone, as a midnight snack.

That is alarming. And I want one.

Last but not least, let's check in with Joey Chestnut's latest eating contest victory at the Famous Famiglia World Pizza Eating Championship (taken from cnn.com)




Joey's the man. Way to represent 'Mericah!

Pujols' Elbow Surgery? I'm Lovin' It

We at BertFlex were ready to rant about Bert's elbow surgery and the secretive Cardinals medical staff, but then we discovered something even more earth-shattering: The McRib is back!

Says HMW: "I bet the Cardinals had something to do with the advertising here. Pujols has surprise surgery, and they try to distract us with the deliciousness of the McRib ... and it works."

Damn right it works. I'll be moving into McDonald's for a limited time.

Give It To Me... Bacon?

I suspect Jimmy John's overstates the powers of its new pork-laden sandwich.


Bacon works wonders, but I somehow doubt it's the ultimate porkin' experience. Just sayin'.

The Cinnamon Roll of Meats

You need to make these for us. Now. (Thanks to friend of the site Melissa for introducing us to this "sugary, cinnamony, bacony" wonder... which, yes, includes icing.)

P.S. Bacon Today = best site e-v-a-r. We've already got bacon-flavored rolling papers on order so we can enjoy a bacon smoke while drinking bacon bloody marys.

Can O' Bacon, and Other Ways We Need to Spend our Money

A couple weeks ago we received an email from friend of the site Kelly, sending us a link that was right up our alley: 10 Gadgets For Guys Who Hate To Cook (But Love to Eat).

It's been a busy week here at BFHQ, and by "busy" I mean "I'm trying to catch up with poker shows that I DVR'd, so it's taken a while to tell you all about this list."

I know how little you like to read, so here is a recap of the article: It. Is. Awesome. Well, at least the gadgets are; Bertflex is the best site ever, with the best writers ever, and don't you forget it. Some of my favorites:

Yoder's Canned Bacon - We have covered many uses for bacon here at the B'Flex, but this has got to be one of the best. How beautiful is that? 40-50 strips of bacon per can and they kind of unfold like a fruit roll-up. I'm a little choked up right now, I can't believe how happy I am to be living in times like these. Ignore the fact that everyone's in debt and people are losing jobs, as long as we have bacon in a can, America is still the greatest country in the world.

The 90 Second Dual Pizza Oven - This is a must-have for Bertflex's World Headquarters. I see the $250 price tag, but to own a machine that heats up to 797 degrees F and cooks pizzas in 90 seconds is money well spent. Unfortunately, they are out of stock until December, so hopefully Santa's paying attention.

Microwavable S'Mores Maker - City slickers like myself don't go camping, so I rarely have the chance to eat s'mores by the campfire. This little bastard lets you feel like you're camping, just in the comforts of your own home (where you have showers, bathrooms, and internets). It claims to make two perfect s'mores in 30 seconds and most importantly, is 100% in our price range at $7.


Thanks to Kelly for tipping us off on this article, even though it would be a lot easier if you women came over and cooked for us like you should we'll see what we can do.

We always welcome mail like this: haymang@yahoo.com

Maull's Secret Sauce?

Many of my proteges and interns often ask, "HM-Dubz, how do you know what's Bertflex material, and what's not?" I often reply: "Go get me some Wendy's."

But to answer their question on this public forum, you just know that something should be posted to Bertflex. Whether it's a simple observation, or an analytical article about Tony LaRussa's crazy managin' ideas, sometimes you just know.

I ran into the Schnucks on Ladue earlier today, and found the most expensive, delicious thing ever. Ever.

Gold Barbecue Sauce. At least that's what the sign said:





I doubt that I can afford gold bbq sauce, but I'd whore myself out to do commercials for them, all night son.

"Delicious Gold Barbecue Sauce goes down smooth. Mmm; in stores now."

Our Interesting Baseball Weekend

I'm pretty spent right now, but just a quick update, everything went well with our road trip over the weekend. And by "well" I mean that we at least made it home in one piece, and luckily I still have money left in my bank account. *Travel Tip*: When you start off a road trip being delayed by an hour and a half due to a blown up 18-wheeler (and both sides of 270 being shut down), that's usually a red flag that crazy shit will follow.

Saturday was my big interview with Cardinals prospect Brett Wallace. We talked for about seven minutes (topics included: Fantasy Baseball, RBI Baseball, and favorite meat. I really stepped up my game for this). He seemed pretty impressed with the blogger lifestyle that I live, and who could blame him?

I doubt that I'll be able to post the entire interview transcript here tonight, but we'll see. If not, I'll put the insideSTL link up Tuesday.

Brett was so motivated by my hard-hitting questions that he hit a 3-run bomb that went about 900 feet. Hopefully that's a sign of things to come for my fantasy team.

We should be able to give a big recap of the weekend in Quad Cities and Peoria for you guys over the next couple days. In the meantime, be sure to check out the photo gallery for our best moments of the weekend (you'll notice me losing $50 of Sir's and my money in blackjack is not in there - the dealer was wrecking me pretty badly). Sir caused quite a scene with his stadium food eating, as two different guys, on different days, in different ballparks, each looked horrified as he wolfed down a ginormous burrito and fudge brownie ice cream respectively.

Some things never change.

Bacon Night at the Ballpark

I believe we've carved out a nice little niche for ourselves here. It's safe to say that of all the Cardinals/sports/grabass blogs out there, we are the official bacon experts. Of them all. Seriously.

In two different instances last night, bacon was brought to my attention, as if any bacon news or bacon-related activities could get past me...

The first happened at the classy little party over at the Librarian's house. After sipping on some '79 Merlot (I'm used to Dom, but who's asking), discussing stocks, and putting down minorities (Hack was there, what else would we talk about?), we called up the local Papa John's and ordered up some pizza. The fine ladies and gents who did the ordering just assumed that I would like some Bacon Cheesesticks. Good call on their part. You're probably wondering how they taste.

After eating the Bacon Cheesesticks, I really don't think women are necessary in my life any more. This is all I need: Nintendo, a TV, and Bacon Cheesesticks. I win.

Okay, maybe that's going a little too far, but those things are highly highly recommended. Good call by the Librarian's crew.

The second being an email from friend-of-the-site Pink Ass Ben. He sent me a link for baconsalt.com, a company that sells bacon seasoning. Their motto is "Everything Should Taste Like Bacon."

So naturally, I'm going to see if they are hiring.

The best part is the reviews page. You can send in your own testimonial of Bacon Salt and submit it; maybe they'll put you on their website. I figured this was a hell of an idea, even if I've never tried the stuff. If you email these guys, be sure to copy down what you said in the comments section.

We are the bacon experts, so I assume they're listening.

(Oh yeah, Cardinals won; Carp's back. Whatever.)

Ah, My Sweet Bacon

I'd love to have a kick-ass excuse for being absent from BertFlex, LLC* (* pending some legal documents) for the past few days; I wish I could say I was given the first-ever ban from the internet by the FCC. Or I had to spend quality sexy time with Jessica Biel and Megan Fox (who is not shitty, Sir).

Instead my internet decided to melt down. But hey, we're back up and running now, and over the past four days, I've built up a lot of aggression and it's about to come out. The first thing seems fitting for my big "comeback": Bacon Lollipops.

One of the things I was able to do over the weekend was read. You might be shocked that I read once in a while, especially things that aren't on a monitor. But I do read from time to time...okay, I'll quit lying. I was reading a Maxim from last month. And in it was a little blurb about how Bacon Lollipops DO exist and you can buy them from lollyphile.com.

I know you know how awesome this is, but just for good measure, here is the description from Lollyphile:

We feel pretty safe in saying that we're the first people to ever make a bacon-based lollipop. And not just any bacon, either- we use sustainable, organic, cured bacon- we kinda felt that it went well with the pure Vermont maple syrup we were using as a base, you know?

While we admit that it's pretty far from the norm (it's definitely not kosher!), once you make that initial leap of faith and try it out, we're positive that you'll love it. The salty chunks of bacon make a delicious and unique counterpoint to the subtle sweetness of the maple, and oh, yeah- you'll be eating an oh-my-god bacon lollipop!

A perfect gift for the sweet-toothed pork aficionado in your life.

Hey, that's me!

Championship!

For more of our love for all things bacon, click the new Bacon tag below.

Cracker, Please

I rolled into the BertFlex offices this morning jonesing for something -- a fistfight, a 40, salty snacks -- to take my mind off last night's 15-inning marathon of all-star suckitude. The Good Face was just cocking around as per usual, so I sent him to QT for sugar-free Red Bull and pineapple Now and Laters. Like the fuck-up he is, he comes back with Rap Snacks instead.

You play with my money, you play with my emotions, TGF. Turns out, though: If Southern Crunk Barbecue chips don't make it better, it's not broke.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Day

Everything came to a screeching halt earlier tonight as the BertFlex office learned about something called "Chocolate Chip Cookie Day." The person reporting the following facts was Mike Shannon during the Cardinal game tonight, so I may not have 100% accurate details.

It's actually called Barry Weinberg's Chocolate Chip Cookie Fundraiser/Charity Thingy/Bake Sale(?). Besides Shannon's sketchy reporting, I couldn't find any info online - so here's what Mike said:

Friday July 18th
noon - 1:30 pm
Mike Shannon's Restaurant
Barry Weinberg + real Cardinals will be there signing autographs
Chocolate Chip Cookies will be on sale, and eaten by a lot of people

However, because Shannon was reporting this during the game:
-I have no idea how much it costs
-No idea how many cookies you get


More information on this delicious story as it develops.

*update: looks like this is it from '05 (page 4).

*update #2: thanks to the Librarian for finding this. Shannon said July 19th on the air, so that's the first thing he got wrong. All details are on the link. Side note - doing this during the middle of the day on a Friday is dumb. But that's just me...

Adam Wainwright: Honorary Flexer

In a textbook example of a headline that misses the point, the St. Louis Post-Disgrace's Sunday edition included an article titled "Wainwright's injury is one that could linger." What they should have called it: "Wainwright plans to get his meat on during DL stint."

Marooned in St. Louis while his teammates visit three American League cities, Cardinals ace Adam Wainwright has planned a tour of his own. When he's not rehabbing, he'll be noshing — eating his way through a map of the finest local joints for barbecue and fried chicken. ... Armed with a list that includes Hodak's, Smokin Al's and Tin Can Tavern, Wainwright plans to spend the week seeing what kind of grub he can get his hand around.

We salute you, Mr. Wainwright. Don't forget your toilet paper.

Drink Your Pork

It's a scientific fact (and by 'scientific', I mean Sir has said it) that bacon is better with anything...including booze. Not with booze, but now AS BOOZE! Getcha Bacon Vodka right here.

1 large sterile mason jar
5 - 6 strips of cooked bacon
1 bottle premium Vodka

Add bacon to the mason jar and fill with Vodka. Let the bacon steep in the vodka for a few days in a very cool place or the fridge. After the Vodka is infused with bacony goodness, remove the bacon, cover the jar with cheese cloth, secure it and strain the Vodka into another clean container.

Enjoy what I like to call "Tuesday" and get crunk on bacon.

Our Best Food Events

Last Friday, we brought to everyone's attention the 20 Worst Foods in America. Most of the "foods" on the list were well over 1,000 calories, the worst topping out at 2,900. While most people were probably disgusted by half the list, we tried to figure out how many of the 20 things we've devoured (9 or 10, depends on some technicalities...either way, we're fat).

I decided to come up with a top 10 list of our best food events; hopefully our doctors, personal trainers, financial advisors, or healthcare providers don't see this list. Unfortunately I wussed out and refuse to put these in any particular order. It's like picking your favorite child - all parents have one, but they don't want to hurt the other kids' feelings by saying it out loud.

I'd like to point out that these are consistent events only, not one time things like eating cookie burgers, a tube of cookie dough, or finding out how much destruction a bag of baby carrots can cause.

Honorable mention: The Jack in the Box Heart Attack Meal.
I put this as an "honorable mention" because none of us have actually gone through and ordered this meal from JITB: Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger (1090), Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges (720), Oreo Shake (1290). Those are the calories in parenthesis per the JITB website...yeah. Order this and be prepared to turn out the lights. You're done, kid. *update: I didn't realize that this was a common meal in Sir's heyday at Alton High. I met him when he was past his eating prime.

-Any trip to Buffalo Wild Wings. If I'm on my game, I'll throw down 20 boneless wings easy. I believe I hit 30 the last time we had a big event there. But the wings aren't the main reason why BWW is on this list. It's the fact that we've gone through more than one waitress, numerous times. Yup, we're so fat and addicted to sports that we've outlasted waitresses through their shifts. I'd like to see Buzz Bissinger do that.

-Chicken Wing Platter at Hooters. I'll stick to the chicken wing theme; we've dusted off a 50 wing platter at Hooters a few times (me, Sir, and Maltliquorman). The Hooters Girls were mightily impressed...that we didn't have to leave in a wheelchair.

-The All You Can Eat Shrimp at Red Lobster. All things considered, I'm not really a shrimp guy. I'll eat it, but it's one of the many things that I don't like unless it's fried. That's when Red Lobster hates me; I can down a ton of fried shrimp. Every fall (though I don't remember if they did it last year), RL runs their AYCE special for $25. I've been there with Sir and cleaned house like I was the 30th man in the Royal Rumble. Best memory was going there for game three of the '06 NLCS, watching Suppan throw a gem vs. the Mets. Good thing we were around back then in case you forgot how the game went.

-GBC. My mom makes some awesome Gooey Butter Cake. If you've never tried it, then you just don't know...

-"Hey, Let's go to Tuckers." Whenever Sir says that to me, it's an insta-call. Next time he's in town, we need to do that. Tuckers has one of the best 'big ass steak + potato (optional) + salad (very optional) + bread' deals around town. It's a shame that I never went during Freshman year at UMSL. I don't remember why, I never used "studying" as an excuse for anything. I know this is bad business and bad negotiating, but if Tucker's ever wanted to put banner ads at the top of this website, I'd let them do it for free.

-The 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest, est. 2006. Past champions are: me in the inaugural, and Pink Ass Ben last year. I'm sure the '08 version will be highly competitive again. The time to beat is just a little under 4 minutes for 5 hot dogs (something like 3:50-3:55).

-Me on Super Bowl Sunday. The highlight of my Super Bowl eating career was back during the Rams meltdown in SB36. I had a hot dog wrapped in bacon. With Cheese. With Mustard. With Chili on top. Then I had another . Championship! (for me, not the Rams) Seriously, I murder some food on Super Bowl Sunday, it's not even funny.

-The All You Can Eat Tickets at Busch. This is another tradition started in 2006. Whenever you have AYCE seats for Cardinal games (or any sporting event), the game is pretty much secondary. Maybe even thirdary, if that's a word. Drinking booze and wolfing down the most hot dogs, burgers, cookies, nachos, and beef brisket (including many combinations of all the above) is the goal. You've got to make sure you get your $90 worth in the span of about 2.5 hours. The best part is that you don't have to eat for about three days since you're just buried in a reclining chair until your heart says it's okay to proceed with your life. This year's AYCE game is in jeopardy, we need to find a game and get some tickets.

-OCB/Homestyle Buffet Trips. I'd like to say that other tables watch in awe as we destroy the buffet, stack plates, stuff our face with piles of fried food, stand on a chair, and self-proclaim that we're the Fatass Champions of the Universe. But truth is, we're usually on the lighter side when it comes to the clientele of OCB/Homestyle, and that's saying something. As Mike Shannon would say, "Come and get it big boyyy." And they do.

-The Donut Burger. This was originally brought to our attention by Big Sandwich here, and carried out over at his place later that summer. I thought our homemade version was pretty good, but I'll eat anything that involves meat (hey what are you laughing at?). We also had one out in Sauget at a Grizzlies game last year, too bad they aren't hardcore enough to make it with full donuts as buns - they just cut one in half. A smaller shout-out goes to the deep fried White Castle at the Grizzlies games, but it's not as good as it sounds. After eating that at a game last year, I had to write a letter of apology to my heart. This time, he forgave me. I'm not sure if I'll be so lucky next time.


There you have it, hopefully I didn't forget anything too obvious. Moral of the story is that we're fat, but we like having a good time. And I'm out of breath from typing all that.