One Cowboy Fan Isn't Impressed With Ed Werder

Tye Hill: Just Happy to be Here

I had a real busy night, enough so that I was perusing a Rams article in today's Post-Dispatch. Let's check in on the status of draft bust Tye Hill (he's the one pictured to the left, not named "Smith"):

"I don't know what the time frame is on him," Haslett replied. "It's been a long time already."

Nobody realizes that more than Hill, who has missed eight games this year after being limited to eight last season because of injuries. "Two years like this ... what can you say? At least I can say I made it to the league," Hill said.

That's what the Rams have come to - taking pride in making the National Football League, and that's good enough. Thanks Tye, you've done much more than Jay Cutler ever would have done for us.

Breaking News: Espn.com Approves of Man-on-Man Love

Take a look at this banner ad I saw on espn.com:


Michael Strahan? Bending over and grunting? Vaseline? Exclusive video?

"Peak Performance"?!

Hey ESPN - I'm not falling for that one (again)!

Are You a Real American?

If so, then you should follow my lead and only pay for things with the GREATEST. CURRENCY. EVAR. By that, I obviously mean the Brett Favre dollar coin and Brett Favre quarter.

For the low, low price of $9.95 (plus $9.90 shipping and handling?!?!) YOU can buy $1.25 in genuine 'Mericahn currency that has been covered with a microscopicly thin layer of gold, plus has an image of the GREATEST. AMERICAN. EVAR. on the face of each coin.

For everyone seeking shelter from the hard economic times we face, this has to be the best investment opportunity in our lifetimes. I mean, this would still be a value at twice the price, at least according to the website. They say the coin is already worth $29.95 and you can obviously trust the guys trying to sell you the coins.

Do what I would do and convert all your crappy stocks and bonds that aren't worth anything anyway into heroic Brett Favre currency. It's the only currency guaranteed to survive the current economic crisis. After all, it's backed by the full faith and awesomeness of Brett Favre.

Kiss and Tell

Bengals wideout Chad Ocho Cinco is one crazy motherfucker. His gold grill and gold mohawk: crazy. His touchdown celebrations: crazy. The fines he racks up for talking shit: crazy. His kids' names (Chad II, Jicyra, Chade, and Chaiel): three-quarters crazy.

But perhaps most perlexing of all: He acknowledges that he planted one on Bengals coach Marvin Lewis during Sunday's game against the Cowboys. "He whispered something in my ear that I really liked, so I kissed him," Ocho Cinco said.

Um, gross. Let's save that for the showers, boys.

Shopping Alert

Late last week I was checking out the sports stores at the Mills Mall for any type of Buffalo Bills gear I could get my hands on. After checking out a few places, I realized that we're still 750 miles away from Buffalo, NY and no one cares (though there were a lot of Patriot and Giants gear for any bandwagon punk kids in the North County area).

At the end of my lap around the mall was Marshall's. I've only been inside that store once, and it was with Sir when he bought a button-up Roca Wear shirt that he could wear at his old job. I remembered them having a bunch of crap inside the store, including random football jerseys, so I felt it was worth a shot to go in there and see if they had any Bills jerseys that someone stole from a delivery truck maybe seven years ago.

To my dismay, they didn't have any except some knockoff Mizzou football and basketball jerseys and a handful of Rams ones, too. As I moaned in disgust of this wasted trip, I looked at the end of the aisle where I was standing and saw a big 4-way rack of gold Rams jerseys, the first of which was...



Jimmy Kennedy. Jackpot.

Besides him, they had gold Muthafuckin' Marshall Faulk jerseys too (and some white jerseys of both players sprinkled in), all for the low low Marshall's clearance price of...

Ten Bucks.

In all, I think they had maybe 20 jerseys per rack x 4 racks. So maybe about 80 jerseys total, the majority of which were Jimmy Kennedy gold jerseys. Great investment Marshall's.

So the big question is: How many do you guys want?

Hochuli-an Strength

For the second time in as many weeks, NFL referee Ed Hochuli (“Eddie Guns” to his fans) has come under fire for a questionable call, this time a roughing the passer ruling against the Panthers’ Julius Peppers. Eddie Guns’ grade already took a hit after allegedly blowing a call in the Week 2 Broncos-Chargers game.

In the face of such dire circumstances, I cannot stand idly by and ignore what has thus far gone unsaid: Much like Sarah Palin doesn’t get fair treatment because of her physiological condition, Hochuli is discrimated against on account of having the biggest pythons this side of the San Diego Zoo. But you won’t see the liberal media jumping up to defend him – they’re too busy with their yoga classes and their tall half-calf mocha lattes to go to a gym and find out what getting your swell on is all about.

Don’t worry, Eddie. This blog is called BertFlex. We get it. When you can crush a beer can with your eyebrows, you don’t have to be good at your job.

Let This Soak In

Dear Tom Brady,




Good.



Sincerely,

Jets (38-14...the game you guys cheated)
Chargers (38-14)
Bills (38-7)
Bengals (34-13)
Browns (34-17)
Cowboys (48-27)
Dolphins (49-28...yeah, thanks)
Redskins (52-7...really?)
Colts (24-20)
Bills (56-10...F you)
Eagles (31-28)
Ravens (27-24)
Steelers (34-13)
Jets (20-10)
Dolphins (28-7)
Giants (38-35...oh well)
Jaguars (31-20)
Chargers (21-12)
& The Staff of bertflex.com

Am I The Only One?

...who loves the fact that Chad Johnson is now Chad Ocho Cinco?

Not only is the name change ridiculous (in an awesome way), but credible websites like Yahoo are acting as if his last name is now Ocho Cinco. I know "legally" it is, but I'm sensible enough to get the joke.



I love it. If I ever create the shit-talkin' Hall of Fame, Chad Johnson is a first ballot inductee.

Football Day

Hey everyone, what are you doing reading this crap? It's the first Saturday of the college football season! Be sure to check out a live-blog of the Arch Rivalry game over on Mizzourah later today. It'll feature TGF and I, so you know it's good.

I probably could/should have used a pic of Chase Daniel or Jeremy Maclin, but for obvious reasons, USC cheerleaders win again. They always do.