Greatest Invention Ever!

Check out this article from today's Post-Dispatch. It appears as if someone has come up with the best vending machine ever! It's been a hard day at the office. You have been working since 7am on a project. The boss has been calling you non-stop, asking questions on cases you just had him review a letter about. On top of it, the senior guy brings in 5 new cases for you to work on, and another case that someone else in the firm has been working on for 3 years, is in a million boxes, but just on a whim, the boss decided to change horses mid stream....... Okay, off of the rant. Anyway, you get hungry at the office. You walk into the lunch room, and what do you find? A hot dog machine!

Halleueah!

First Annual Urban Dictionary Bee

If you're like me and tired of all those dorky home schooled kids getting pub just because they can spell stupid words that don't exist, then listen up! Your friends at BertFlex have come up with another one of their patented Greatest! Ideas! Evar!

Inspired by the National Spelling Bee, we will be holding the first ever BertFlex Urban Dictionary Bee! Competitors will be given a phrase from urbandictionary.com and would have to guess the definition, or be given the definition and guess the phrase.

The format will be "Stump the Schwab" style, where our competitors would match up head-to-head for a block of questions. Three strikes, you're out. Each player gets one pass per match and a missed question can be "stolen" by their opponent. A passed question that is answered correctly earns the passer a strike.

Bracket-style matchups, with seeding being the order in which people sign up, with byes added as needed. The lower seed in each matchup is asked the first question. The esteemed Good Face has volunteered to be the host of this extravaganza of destruction and will serve as Judge, Jury and Executioner when it comes to a player's answer.

Anyone from the BertFlex/Mizzourah family would be eligible to play, including readers, friends, and anyone else you think might know their slang ("Excuse me stewardess, I speak jive").

The date for this convocation of awesomeness is the evening of Sunday July 6th. Time and location are TBA. To reserve your spot in the Bee, post a comment. We are working on an awesome prize for the winner, and by awesome, I mean completely inappropriate, so you have that to look forward to as well.

Introduction to the Tournament of Death

Late last year, I received an email from our very own Sir that had a subject line of "Maybe my best idea EVAR!" I usually trust Sir but I was a little skeptical this time. Until I read this:

So I'm sitting here at my desk, eating beef jerky, thinking that beef jerky might be in the top 10 of anything, ever. But how does one determine something like that? Easy, TOURNAMENT!

We decided to make that idea come to life, and here it is, now that the NCAA tournament is almost over. Same format and everything, except there is no play-in game, or NIT bracket for the greatest things ever. The first step was to lay out a few rules on what we include in the field of 64:

*Leave any sex-related stuff out. In the whole scheme of things, something special like beef jerky cannot compete with boobs, pussy, hoes gettin off, Jessica Biel's ass, etc.

*Historical objects and figures will be thrown out too. We all agree that Mickey Mantle and bombing Japan is significant, but I don't think it fits here. Unless a Mickey Mantle bombing Japan video game is made...then we have something there.

*Tangible items only (physical objects) - no theories, accomplishments, feelings, etc.

*Things like "the internet" or "jokes" are too generic and boring.

*No emailing or making dumb comments about how we left your favorite thing out of the tournament. It took a lot of careful planning and we don't want to be crushed when we realized we left out something awesome.

So there are the rules. I'll admit, we are neglecting some cool things, but the tournament we came up with is stellar and I think you'll have fun playing along.

Voting will be done by a select panel of experts. Not that we don't trust you, but we don't want some assclown stuffing the ballot box and ruining the integrity of the tournament. Plus it's a lot easier the way we have it set up. Each round will be voted on by the panel, all friends of the site who have been invited to an exclusive Yahoo! Group. Yup, it is that big.

So after coming up with an amazing field of 64 things, we really wanted to create a catchy name for this tournament. In true Bertflex fashion, we came up with this:

The Super Xtreme Asskickin Monster Truck Firestorm Tournament of Death

A preview of each regional's matchup (of course we have regionals-what, do you think we're lazy?) will be revealed throughout the week. After the votes are cast, the results will be posted to Bertflex for you to follow along. Once a champion is crowned, we will throw a party to celebrate that "thing." I can pretty much guarantee that a drunken version of "One Shining Moment" will be sung by a member of the Bertflex staff.

The bracket is set, and each region is ready for tip-off. We'll see you tomorrow with a preview for the Hazelwood Regional.