E-Flextion Day

If you're still undecided on who to vote for today, and you need advice from a respectable blog, you've come to the right place.

You may or may not agree with Barack Obama's plans, policies, agendas, etc...but we can all agree that boobs on the internet should be looked at as often as possible. And if there is no "Boobs For McCain" website, we should be thankful for "Boobs For Barack" (NSFW).

It's actually a little disappointing that the site was started on April 10th (according to godaddy.com), and they've only managed to post 37 racks for Ba-rack (ha ha, see how funny I am?). On the surface this is pretty weak - until you see pic #3. That wins.

We may or may not do a little live-blogging tonight, we'll see how it goes. Our projections say there will be a strong party going on at BFHQ, so make your reservations now.

Also an early congrats to Thomas P. Kennedy for winning the Second Plymouth and Bristol District in the Massachusetts State Rep. race. Well, assuming at least one person votes for him since he's running uncontested. And we'll have to assume some jokah votes fah Papah-bahn in the write-in bawx, so two or three votes should do the trick.

I'm still not sure why I haven't scrapped this blogging crap in favor of living the high life with my cousins up in Hyannisport. You guys are lucky I love you so much.

Getting back on track: have some more boobs (also NSFW - but it's Keeley Hazell, come on. By the way, we've turned into a hardcore porn site so gradually, I hardly noticed).

Mo' Linx (X-tended)

There is a little shindig at the Bertflex World Headquarters tonight, stop on by if you are cool, hot, and/or like getting boozed up. No one has puked off our deck yet, much to my dismay. You people need to step yo' game up.

Oh, and feel free to bring us food - we're always looking for food.

Here are a few more links to burn some time on your Friday:

-Some k.u.chebags trying to act black.

-Speaking of Mizzou, it will be "Tiger Tuesday" at ESPN next week. Gary Pinkel will be in Bristol for a ton of appearances on all ESPN outlets (TV, online chat, radio). Including:

9:30 a.m.: Meets with ESPN producers, has makeup applied.

-Adam Kennedy wants to be traded! NOOOOOO!!

-Boobies are always good. According to me.

Friday night update - 3 More:

-The Blues fanfest is this Sunday.

-Erik Johnson hurt his leg playing golf this week. I thought that was impossible. No, read that sentence again. Nicely done EJ.

-GREAT list about Samuel L. Jackson. If you don't enjoy this, you need to quit reading our site.

Can O' Bacon, and Other Ways We Need to Spend our Money

A couple weeks ago we received an email from friend of the site Kelly, sending us a link that was right up our alley: 10 Gadgets For Guys Who Hate To Cook (But Love to Eat).

It's been a busy week here at BFHQ, and by "busy" I mean "I'm trying to catch up with poker shows that I DVR'd, so it's taken a while to tell you all about this list."

I know how little you like to read, so here is a recap of the article: It. Is. Awesome. Well, at least the gadgets are; Bertflex is the best site ever, with the best writers ever, and don't you forget it. Some of my favorites:

Yoder's Canned Bacon - We have covered many uses for bacon here at the B'Flex, but this has got to be one of the best. How beautiful is that? 40-50 strips of bacon per can and they kind of unfold like a fruit roll-up. I'm a little choked up right now, I can't believe how happy I am to be living in times like these. Ignore the fact that everyone's in debt and people are losing jobs, as long as we have bacon in a can, America is still the greatest country in the world.

The 90 Second Dual Pizza Oven - This is a must-have for Bertflex's World Headquarters. I see the $250 price tag, but to own a machine that heats up to 797 degrees F and cooks pizzas in 90 seconds is money well spent. Unfortunately, they are out of stock until December, so hopefully Santa's paying attention.

Microwavable S'Mores Maker - City slickers like myself don't go camping, so I rarely have the chance to eat s'mores by the campfire. This little bastard lets you feel like you're camping, just in the comforts of your own home (where you have showers, bathrooms, and internets). It claims to make two perfect s'mores in 30 seconds and most importantly, is 100% in our price range at $7.


Thanks to Kelly for tipping us off on this article, even though it would be a lot easier if you women came over and cooked for us like you should we'll see what we can do.

We always welcome mail like this: haymang@yahoo.com

BFHQ Update

Hey everyone, we hope you had a swell three-day weekend. Back to the grind, and in four days you can have fun again.

For an update on the new Bertflex World Headquarters, if you haven't been over to the new place, we have quite a nice little set-up. And to "professionalize" ourselves a little more, we are getting legal internet installed at some point today. AT&T gave us a small 12 hour (!) window that they'll be over. What a bunch of assclowns.

So for the first half of the day I'll sit here and wait. In honor of being off work, I'll check in periodically and let you know how my day is going. I'm sure you're on the edge of your seats.

But really, should I hold the suspense, or just say "breakfast, computer, video games, porn, more food, back to sleep, online poker, video games" and get it over with now?

8:48 update - I moved from my room upstairs down to the couch. Back to sleep. I was having a dream in which Sir was yelling at people, so hopefully that resumes.

10:40 still sleeping. I enjoy half days, in case you care. Also, here is this week's insideSTL article to hold you over.

12:30 I'm out broskie's. Sir will be holding down the fort for the rest of the day. AT&T, you're on the clock. Don't embarrass yourself in front of our massive audience.

8:15 AT&T lied. They will be hearing from Chet Pleban in the morning.

Reporting Live from Bertflex Headquarters: Day 1

So here I am kids - hanging out in the new corporate office. It's really nice, and should be a little more comfortable when we get some furniture here (right now I'm laying on the living room carpet with my laptop - good times). While Sir is back in Chi-town over the weekend, I'm holding it down on day 1. Well, actually we're treating this like the World Series of Poker. Thursday would have been day 1, but with the rain, we didn't get much done. So that was like day 1a. Today is day 1b. Sir will be here tomorrow for day 1c. We'll bump the blinds and antes up and begin day 2 on Monday. Huh? I'm confusing myself already.

I'll keep you posted on any breaking news throughout the day. And a quick shout-out to the one guy/girl here who kept an unsecured network, allowing me to post this. Thanks mang.

Update 7:15 pm: Maltliquorman and Melissa are heading over in a little while for a BYO-chair party. Also, here's your first photo of the new place. What did you expect me to be doing? Hanging artwork?



Update 9:13: playing Wii. Wii is awesome. Having a big ass place without Sir is awesome too. Between you and me, I might change the locks on him by the time he gets back.

Who's House? Bert's House

I have yet to be invited to BertFlex Headquarters (unlike one skank I know), but I hope this is what goes on there:

The Women's Guide to Halting Conversations With HMW

Chapter 1

Yesterday I was at the bank getting a cashiers' check for the first payment on the new BFHQ. The teller who was waiting on me was an attractive young lady. As stated in the ML's Men of Bertflex Survey, the top personality trait I look for in a woman is a nice ass. So with her back turned, I was able to stare at her tight pants for a few minutes.

Right now, all the women reading this are probably rolling their eyes, but just wait, there is some useful information coming up.

After a delay in the computer system, she strikes up a short conversation with me. I was being my normal charming self, and was about to flip on the internal funny/flirty switch to see what happens.

She had been holding the paper I handed her, which had the apartment company's name and amount on it, and asked me where that was located (mmm hmm, now we're getting somewhere). I said the intersection, and before I could follow up with anything funny or flirty, she replied "Oh yeah, my boyfriend lives out that way."



Perfect. So ladies, just between you and me, here is some inside information. Let's John Madden this thing:

I quit listening to this girl at "oh yeah, my boyfriend." CIRCLE CIRCLE, and BOOM!

She probably kept talking, but I guess we'll never know. If you're ever worried about guys potentially hitting on you, or if you just want to be left alone, this is how it's done. Works really well in non-drunk settings (i.e. the bank).

PS. - bank...rhymes with skank.

Reggie's Moving In Too!

As you may have read over the weekend, Sir and I will be moving into the new BertFlex Corporate Office in a little under 10 days. We're pretty pumped about it and hope you are able to stop by for our little shindigs (whenever you are lucky enough to be invited).

While going through some of the junk in my basement, I stumbled across something that will definitely be the centerpiece of our entire office: an
Upper Deck Reggie Jackson Promotional Cut-Out.


I'm sure everyone's playing an exciting game of "Why the F do you Have That?" right now. So I'll address that first: because it's Reggie Fucking Jackson.

Okay, maybe I'll expand a little more - I actually forgot that I own this. It is promoting the '93 Upper Deck set, and I'm sure I got this right around that time. No idea how I acquired it, but being a big Reggie fan (even at 11 years old), I'm sure I beat someone's ass with some moves I learned from the Ninja Turtles.

But it's Reggie Jackson. And we'll find a nice home for it at BFHQ.

Looking at it from a distance, it's actually pretty creepy, so I'm sure there will be pranks pulled on Sir from time to time, just to make his heart skip a beat or two.

We are also in negotiations with the ML over her Brian Jordan McRib promotional poster. I'm not sure if she'll accept our $1 Billion offer to buy it outright, or if it will be a temporary donation to BFHQ. Either way, we want that shit.

So hey, if you have any promotional things featuring black athletes, let us know!

haymang@yahoo.com

The Search for the BertFlex Corporate Headquarters

(Update below)

Saturday was the first day of the much-anticipated search for the new BertFlex Corporate Headquarters. Sir and I took about five hours touring numerous locations, and we have possibly found our new home. We can't go into full details now, but we're pretty excited what news may come later today.

We will still keep our other Bureaus around the STL/ILL-side area, as well as Denver and Omaha. Because of Sir's big announcement last week, the Chicago office is shutting its doors down. But this new World Headquarters looks to be a huge improvement over my mom and dad's basement the current one.

Stay tuned for updates!


Sunday night update: It looks like this is the spot. Assuming the fine people at Pheasant Run meet our demands when we check out our exact home/HQ, they win. I wish I had a picture or two for you, but just so you know, AstroTurf is involved.

We'll pass along any further news between now and our move-in (Friday the 22nd). After that, we'll pass along all the party information.