Hey girl...ya hungry?

The big sandwich is back, and he's got something for that ass. This article will do one of two things: make you extremely sick to your stomach, or, make some of you put some pants on and head to your local "grease-trap". 2/3rds of the U.S. is clinically obese and with appetizing dishes like these it's not hard to see why. I would say that, besides sports, food is next most talked about subject among the writers of this website, which is where I got the inspiration for this.

I submit Exhibit A: KFC's new "one-stop trough of death", as I so lovingly call it. You start off with about a pound and a half of mashed potatoes as a base, then (I submit it sacralidge to attempt to eat the taters without gravy) a layer of gravy, followed by the healthiest part of the dish, corn (which will give some color to brick of shit you'll painfully pass after this meal), fried chicken pieces that come from "some" part of the chicken, and top this beauty off with some processed cheese. This is for people who want to focus more on watching their favorite programming on the WB and less time searching for specific food items on their plate.

Exhibit B: Hardee's will never let you down when you are trying, so desperately, to clog your helpless arteries. Why top your burger with ordinary things like ketchup and pickles when the obvious condiment your missing is MORE MEAT! I love the thought of putting a sandwich on top of another sandwich. I wish McDonald's would adopt this mentality and fuse the McRib with the Quarter Pounder and then maybe throw some McNuggets on top for good measure, call it the Barnyard Burger!

Exhibit C: This Sunday, the 21st, is the first chance you can get your hands on the 1000 calorie, 45 fat gram Krispy Kreme Burger at GMC Stadium in Sauget. Grizzlies Games are a great time to begin with, but, the addition of this menu item has me contemplating getting season tickets. Just look at that picture.... that greasy thing is going to slide out of your asshole quicker than you can say "Shut up coach!" Adding a Krispy Kreme donut to any food item is automatically tempting fate, but what a way to die! I officially submit we have a Bertflex.com night at GMC Stadium, pony up some dough and rent the hot tub in right field, and sit there all night and eat these things with our shirts off and see how many people we can offend.

Exhibit D: This delicacy can be found in Decatur, Georgia a.k.a. "Tha Dec" in a suburban bar called Mulligans. You might want to take a mulligan instead of eating this thing! The Hamdog is served as such: a hotdog, wrapped in a beef patty, deep-fried, covered with chili (we're not close to being done), cheese, onions, on a hoagie bun, topped with a fried egg and 2 fistfulls of fries. GAME OVER!

To top off this article I leave you with SNL's ode to fat-ass America.


Annie Fresh said...

Remember when Hardee's had the Monster burger--meat, bacon, cheese, mayo, repeat all? Greatest order ever at Hardee's when I worked there in high school: "Monster Burger combo Monster-sized w/ curly fries. Oh, and with Diet Coke. I'm trying to watch my sugar intake." WHAT?! This guy was totally serious too. Some people... I bet Josh would eat any of these things mentioned, though. Yum :-)

Anonymous said...

Anyone been to Bucce's in Columbia? That place is the shit. The burgers are kind of like White Castle, but they serve them on wax paper because the grease is impossible to get off the tables and it'd seep through regular plates. Also, we have a place called King Kong up here that serves gyros, phillys, and burgers. Triple Kong burger= 2 1/2lbs of meat to go along with about the same on fries. Good bye heart.

Anonymous said...

Forgot to mention Burger Barge in Peoria. It's a dump and right along the beautiful Illinois River, but you can get eggs, an entire pepper, or anything else put on your heart attack on a bun. They also have frips (fries and chips), frings (fries and onion rings), and you get the point. Best place to eat in Peoria.