Erik Hashrake Demoted to Corporate Softball League

In a long-overdue move, the St. Louis Unions demoted aging outfielder Erik Hashrake on Friday, moving him to a corporate softball league where his shenanigans and tomfoolery won't ruin the sanctity of America's pastime.

"Don't tell Hashrake I said so, but this was an easy call," the Union's skipper, Scoops, said. "That fool is an embarrassment to himself, the club, and the game. I mean, fine, he's still producing offensively. But have you seen him in the outfield? It's positively Duncanesque. And I'm pretty sure he tweaked a knee a while back, but he won't admit that he's injured and go on the DL to rehab."

Hashrake has repeatedly denied that he's playing injured. However, players in the vintage league are often reluctant to allow medical exams. As part of league rules, the training staff uses 1860s medicine. Instead of an MRI, Hashrake would face exploratory surgery performed by an unlicensed surgeon, with whiskey as his only anesthesia.

However, this surgery might have saved Hashrake's vintage career. He faces some challenges in the move to a corporate softball league, where he'll likely play with a ragtag collection of the untalented and uncoordinated trying to live out their childhood dreams of baseball stardom.

Some friends and teammates suspect Hashrake will thrive in this new role. "We needed to let him go, but we want to let him down easy," said Mayhem, a long-time Unions player. "Under that tough exterior, he's a sensitive guy. And in this crappy work softball league, he'll be a total rock star. Sure, he's a total doucher. But the boy can mash."

Hashrake's first game with the softball league is Monday night.

Neither Hashrake nor his agent returned calls requesting comment for this story.

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