Ike Hilliard: Secret to your Fantasy Football Suck-cess

Think you know fantasy football, dummy? Well you don't! Jon Gruden knows fantasy football, so shut up! Here's a little advice for you so-called "gurus" who write on your computer machines, giving some crap-ass advice about who to start/sit and what defense has the best matchup. If you're not starting Ike Freakin' Hilliard as your #1 top super ultra WR, then you're going to suck. Here, put this in your pipe, tell 'em Chucky:

"He's played on a lot of division championship teams; he was a No. 1 draft choice," coach Jon Gruden said of Hilliard, who was drafted by the Giants in 1997. "For whatever reason, some of the gurus don't (have him) on their fantasy football teams."

For those of you who don't memorize stats, check this shit out: 62 catches, 722 yards, 1 TD in 2007 for Hilliard. I'm drooling all over my keyboard, hold on...

All this time I was wondering why my teams sucked so bad last year, and now I realize that "not having Ike 'Division Championships' Hilliard" was the problem all along. Reggie Wayne, Torry Holt, and Larry Fitzgerald were clogging up my squad with all that production. But Ike Hilliard = Wins, and that's all that matters in fantasy football.

Lesson learned (feel the face).


Anonymous said...

Jon Gruden knows there's a shit ton of cash...I mean 'friendly bets' on Fantasy Football.

At least he's not Mike Shanahan, who hates your fantasy ass and will use who ever he damn well pleases at RB, even if it's not a starter. Fuck you Mike.

The Good Face said...

Next year I'm drafting David Carr as my starting QB and Tim Couch as my backup. Two #1s = #2. Ha. Poop.