My Two Matts

With Sir officially proclaiming his love for Jay Bruce earlier this week, it is my duty to represent on my two newest man-crushes: Brewers OF prospect Matt LaPorta and Royals theoretical-SS prospect Mike "Matty" Moustakas.

Before we go any further, I should point out that I claimed these two (along with Josh Vitters) in the Hardcore Fantasy League the week of the '07 MLB draft. For nearly a month afterward, I was under the impression that Moustakas' first name was Matt before realizing I was, for the first and only time in history, wrong. But I really like the sound of "Matty Moustakas," so you can just effin' deal with it, big boy.

With the Channel 4 News Team pretty well blowin' donkeys this season, it's starting to look a lot like waiting 'til next year (or longer for Matty M.). Happily, both of these future C4NT-mates have been flexin' and mashin' down on the farm. LaPorta's Double-A line with Huntsville goes a little something like this: .291/.399/.587 with 13 d'oh!s and a 27/35 K/BB ratio. He's been playing mostly in right field -- partnered with Ryan Braun, the Brewers' corner OFs could be bringing the pain on a regular basis in the not-so-distant future.

As far as Moose Tacos Bell Grande goes, April was pretty much a sack of douche (.190/.253/.226 -- when your SLG < your OBP, you're in danger of entering Sucksville, population Neifi Perez), but this is less surprising when you consider that he's a 19-year-old in A-ball. More importantly, he has turned things around in a big way in May: He has hit six of his seven homers this month, and his line has improved to .254/.304/.429. After using the ping in high school, Moose is learning how to work the wood (hay-oooh!!11!).

Given how these two are playing, I'll be patronizing the MLB.com Shop very soon. One of my two Matts will be the debut entry in the Good Face's official line of Premature Prospect t-shirt jerseys. I just hope they make the sleeves big enough to corral my guns.