Schmuck, Jobber, or Douche? John Mozeliak

Part of being a major league GM is dealing with criticism from the media -- even media that has no credibility or qualifications whatsoever. With that in mind, it's time to turn the spotlight on new Cards GM John Mozeliak.

Let's start with a rundown of the moves he has made so far this offseason. At least, the ones that I can remember without doing any research or legwork of my own (the only difference between Jay Mariotti and me is the eyebrows). In no particular order:

• Traded Jim Edmonds to the Padres for a left testicle.
  
• Traded Scott Rolen to the Blue Jays for Troy Glaus, a case of Labatt, and a Rush best-of.
  
• Let David Eckstein walk, causing Cardinal Nation to fret about what utterly average white guy it would cheer for in the future.
  
• Re-signed Aaron Miles for $1.4 million, roughly three times what they could have paid Brendan Ryan to suck just as much (if not a little less).
  
• Signed Cezar Izturis for $2.85 million. And not the good Cezar Izturis. Wait, there is no good Cezar Izturis.
  
• Signed Jason LaRue to serve as Joel Pineiro's personal catcher (if you know what I mean).
  
• Signed Matt Clement's goatee.
  
• Drafted Brian Barton in the Rule V draft, which is generally regarded as far inferior to the Rule IV draft, in which American GMs travel to the Soviet Union to face Ivan Drago.
  

With a few weeks to go before pitchers and catchers report, the Cards have a rotation of Wainwright/Pineiro/Looper/Clement/? and a lineup that features The Mang, a chaw-chewing trophy-humper, a Steve Blass-turned-outfielder, a third baseman who kind of looks like Bruce Campbell, and a bunch of Quadruple-A out machines. And yet Mozeliak pretends like the Cards have a chance to compete in '08.

You can't look at this team, and then look at the Brewers and Cubs, and tell me we have a chance to win. If we're gonna suck (and we are), tell me how we're building for the future. Tell me how the minors are important, how we're developing our own talent to take us into the next decade.

Don't sign Cezar Izturis and act like it's an improvement. 

Schmuck.