Evan Longoria: Ladies' Choice

If there's anything the ladies love more than a guy with a complete collection of Simpsons DVDs -- well, obviously there's nothing the ladies love more than that. But running a close second is whoever ranks as the No. 1 MLB prospect in all of the land. Today, that man appears to be none other than Evan Longoria (at least according to Keith Law, whose mugshot has "perp" written all over it). 

So it should come as no surprise that Longoria was spotted in downtown St. Charles on Thursday night. Reports indicate that the future Rays 3B was running trains on some of Lindenwood's easiest co-eds.

"You know how it is," Longoria said. "Sluts want the horsecock that's got Keith Law's seal of approval. And I have that horsecock in these Levis you see before you."

Not everyone in the drinking establishment was smitten. One quite vocal young man wearing a shirt emblazoned with the likeness of Bill James insisted that Longoria wasn't "all that," pointing out that Baseball Prospectus ranked Jay Bruce No. 1. 

Longoria responded that Kevin Goldstein could "lick my balls when this fat bitch is done with them."

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