Just a week ago, I was getting the invitations ready. There was going to be a huge "jump off the roof of your favorite building" party! I ordered hats and kazoos too. But the Cardinals were able to take care of business (kind of) and make it into the playoffs.

And here we are Friday thinking we might have something cookin'. The really mad guy at the top of this webpage is back to normal, and my estimates say he's hitting around 1.600 in the series so far, with a slugging percentage of 7.000. I apologize for not looking up the correct numbers, but I'm probably not too far off. Some may attribute Bert's playoff performance to his dedication in the batting cage. Others may say his God-given talent. Smart people would say the power comes from his goatee. Babyface Bert isn't very intimidating. Goatee Bert ends careers.

For example, here is one career that should be ending soon...

So on to game three. Bright and early Saturday morning (okay, noon). I know you are clamoring for some analysis, so here are my keys to the game:

Padres at Cardinals
October 7, 2006

*Cardinals hitting
*Padres hitting
*Cardinals pitching
*Padres pitching
*Cardinals defense
*Padres defense
*Josh the Batboy
*The weather
*The Cardinals' home field advantage
*The Cardinals' Moxie
*Tony LaRussa
*Bruce Bochy
*Willie McGee's Cookies
*Pre game meals
*Fan heckling
*Ernie Hays
*Coldness of Beer
*Hangovers from Friday night parties (Tyler Johnson--looking at you)
*Nicknames given by Chris Berman
*Gross jersey sightings
*Performance enhancing drugs
*Hot dogs

Those are just a couple things to pay attention to this Saturday when you watch the game. See you afterwards for Tony Pellegrino's Dance Party. TV, DDR pad, and cold frosty ones in the middle of the day...what else do we need to have a good time!?

If your answer is "a life," you probably ought to shut up.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are forgetting how big of a momentum swing seeing a bald John Hewitt is. Should be right between "Red Schoenist's (sp?) Hogtie" and "Joaquin Andujar's line of cocaine".