Who's Shitty

Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another installment of the Who's Shitty fantasy report, everyone's favorite place to go for fantasy baseball analysis. Tony Pellegrino, webmaster and fantasy expert will check the mailbag and answer five fantasy questions every week, so hopefully yours will get answered. If you're lucky, Tony might call your favorite fantasy player shitty, which will automatically make your team even better (see: Pellegrino Curse in the bertflex glossary).

This week's badass picture features Tony along with our fine feathered friend, Bird Flex.

No real explanation of this photo is necessary, but I will say this: The Captain Was Here!

1. (Walter J.-8th street, St. Louis) What are your predictions for the trading deadline? Who will make the biggest fantasy impact if/when they are traded?

Walt, I think that the only big name to be moved will be Soriano and if the White Sox get him as is rumored, it's all over. Soriano's numbers should stay about the same, steals may go up but the power may be offset by the league change. There is no pitching available and very little hitting. The problem is that both Western Divisions are god-awful terrible and even though all of these teams should be sellers, they all have a shot to make the playoffs. This deadline will be very much like last year's deadline where no trades of any significance were made. Sorry Walt, this Cardinal team is what it is, and unless you feel like sending Reyes, Wainwright, Duncan, Rodriguez, Colby Rasmus, Stu Pomeranz, Rick Ankiel, Chad Hutchinson, John Gall, Floyd Irons, Charlie Spoonhour and Tony Twist to the Marlins for Dontrelle, the cavalry ain't a-comin'.

2. (Big Head-Omaha) I swear I saw a picture of Bud Smith on a Missing Persons sign. What happened to him?

I hate to break this one to you, but Bud Smith was never that good. Yes he threw a no-hitter but one game does not make you a good pitcher. He was a product of the Cardinals Hype Machine that ended up with us getting way more value out of him than he was worth (for more information on the Cardinals Hype Machine, see: Adam Kennedy, Pablo Ozuna, Cliff Politte, Jose Jimenez, T.J. Mathews, Braden Looper (aw, crap), and Coco Crisp (aw, crap again))

The last record I can find of him is with Rochester of the International League (MIN AAA) in 2005. He was hurt every year since 2002 and doesn't seem to be in the league this year. His career minor league numbers are 31-12, 2.83 but only started a total of 16 games after the trade. I have no evidence of this, but i think he's selling insurance in Oklahoma now. Farewell Bud, we hardly knew ye.

3. (Joel-IL side) TP, Mark Prior is coming back...again! What can I expect out of him the rest of the year?

Until Mark Prior starts pitching like Mark Prior, I don't want to hear about Mark Prior. You can have the good Mark Prior or you can have the bad Mark Prior. When you get the good Mark Prior, then that's pretty good but when you have the bad Mark Prior, well then that's pretty bad. The hurt Mark Prior is like the Brett Farve of injuries, 'cause even when you think it's over and there's no way he could have another injury, it's like *BOOM* there's another injury. Maybe they should take Mark Prior down to Ace Hardware and see if they can't fix him up. Mark Prior is the most consistant injured person I know (besides Kerry Wood), but that's just Mark Prior being Mark Prior. And that's what that's all about.

4. (T. Hicks-Birmingham, AL) I get what I wannnt! I want what I neeeed! Tony what are the "Possibilities" that bertflex.com signs me to do some commercials? Keep up the good work.

You might have changed your name, but you can't fool me Pedro Gomez. Get off my TV. First you were stalking Barry Bonds on ESPN and giving the world 24/7 updates that he just took a dookie and a three paragraph disertation on the smell since you were in the bathroom stall with him. Then once they figured out that no one cared about Bonds anymore, they tried to get you to follow Roger Clemens around every day to document his 50-game-steroid-suspension "retirement" but you had to refuse the assignment because Clemens doesn't like Mexicans. So you then changed your name to try and convince Clemens you're not Mexican but luckily for him, I brought your cunning plan to his attention and you were rebuffed again! So then Ford hired your new persona to do truck ads on the "Millionaire" set, which also offends me because it's an insult to Notre Dame Football for you to have anything to do with anything Regis Philbin ever had anything to do with. It is my mission to make sure you never work again. Ask Big Boy Restuarants how it feels when you mess with me.

5. (Compulsive Gambler-Hazelwood, MO) Tony, while glancing at the ads in the back part of the Riverfront Times this week, I noticed that there's a new video coming out titled "Briana Loves Rocco." I won't discuss the genre this video falls under, because I'm sure no one who reads this site is into naked women. I will say this though: now we know what Mr. Baldelli was up to the past two years. My question is related to sports and porn--I am in a porn pool with some of the finest porn experts in our great country. Sort of like a Death Pool, except this is a lot more fun. Fred from Dirt Cheap is the 12 time defending champ and I'm looking to take his coveted crown away. Give me some ladies from the sports world who you think will be diving chest-first into some form of porn soon (Playboy, sex tape, etc.), who I can pick up on the waiver wire.

I'm no porn expert, but with the way Anna Kournikova's career is slipping (she's now playing World Team Tennis events) but she's got to be your leader in the clubhouse for this one. I can see Jenny Finch doing a Playboy spread once her softball career is over, maybe before if USA Softball can convince her it would improve attendance. Natalie Gulbis (LPGA if you haven't heard) could be a good sleeper once she learns that she's more valuable on video than on the links. There's not alot to go on for this type of career change so you might be better off pursuing other options.

If you would like to ask Tony "Who's Shitty?" please send your questions to shaunfanclub@hotmail.com. Tony Pellegrino's advice should be taken with caution, but he has finished in 2nd place in numerous fantasy leagues over the years, so he's kind of an expert, using that term loosely.

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