REAL NEWS: Girl Touches Schorr for 5 Bucks

Most of the members on the Bert Flex squad have taken a written "bashing" at one point or another so far (mostly coming from me; I'm a jerk...that's what I do). But one of the non STL-area writers has gotten off relatively easy so far, Hollywood, aka Matt Schorr.

That is until now.

The date: Saturday night, March 4, 2006. The event: East Prairie, MO Fire Department fundraiser, featuring a special Gateway Championship Wrestling event. The result: Matt realizes an easy way to get an attractive female to talk to him is to pay her $5.

On Saturday, Matt (native of Mayfield, KY) and I went to East Prairie to meet an old friend of mine who lives down there now. The three of us are dorks who have followed pro wrestling for a while and have seen GCW shows in the past. My friend Jeff works with the EP Fire Department and helped set up this fundraiser for the past couple months. I decided to help a brotha out and asked if Matt wanted to go too. After clearing his busy schedule to go watch some rasslin', the fun was about to begin.

Early in the day we noticed this lovely young woman helping set up with the rest of the ring crew hours before the show. There is not a lot of "talent" in the small small town of East Prairie, so she stood out a little more. Later during the show, she appeared as a valet in a match, with her character being a "bitch" to the fans as she called it. During the intermission, Matt's big moment arrived. The Dirty Old Man Gods spoke to us from the heavens and instructed Matt to take advantage of this golden opportunity.

It was during this break where all fans had the opportunity of posing with one of the GCW wrestlers for a picture. Not just any picture--a Polaroid! Yes they are still around, we have evidence below. But here's the catch, each Polaroid (typical value: about 5-10 cents) was going to cost you $5.

After minimal interest from the fans (probably about 2 pics were taken with the male wrestlers), the same ring girl/valet came out to sign autographs (yes I'm serious) and speak to the fans that she just pissed off because of her "heel" status!

After much debate from the trio of myself, Matt, and Jeff, we decided that although she looked young, she had to be at least 18. After a little persuasion, Matt stepped up to the plate and decided get that precious moment captured on Polaroid. The resulting picture is great, given the fact that Matt was mad that he didn't shave earlier in the day and looks slightly creepier than normal. Toss in a soda cup toast, huge grin, and we've got ourselves a winner:

For the record her name is Tiffany, and she took pictures with about 10 or so other guys after Matt set the trend. Photographic evidence shows that she was pretty into Matt, in comparison to the others.

I'll actually give Matt kudos on this one. He took one for the team by giving up $5 for the picture and the opportunity to talk to an actual living and breathing woman. Hopefully he won't make a habit of paying ladies to talk to him, but there are no guarantees of that. All in all, this story shows that deep down, Matt is perverted like the rest of us, and on his way to the well-populated city of Dirty Old Manville, not to be confused with Arnold.


Hollywood said...

It's a tough gig setting the trend for all the lonely dorks in the house...or in East Praire's case, thrice divorced rednecks...but someone had to do it.

Tigergirl said...

It didn't look like you thought it was so tough to set the trend in the picture. So was it worth the 5 bucks?

Hollywood said...

When a hot girl's involved, money is no object.

And I'd like to make a quick correction. I called East Prairians thrice divorced rednecks. I'd like to retract this comment.

The East Prairians at the show were, in fact, thrice divorced rednecks with pot-bellies, EIGHT o'clock shadows, and about 8 teeth a piece.