Getting the dirt on Adam Morrison's upper lip

With the NCAA mens basketball tournament less than 2 days away, Bertflex's big sandwich sat down with Adam Morrison's moustache, or whatever the hell you want to call it, looking to get its perspective of the past year and what the future holds for this dynamic duo.


Sandwich - There has been lots of speculation among Berflex's writing staff that you are merely dirt on Adam's upper lip. Any comment?

stache - Listen, not everybody can be Tom Selleck. As you can see I am actual hair, and I don't appreciate your disrespectful assumption.

Sandwich - I just want everyone to know the truth.....uh.....sorry, I didn't get your name.

stache - Julius

Sandwich - Julius, could you describe your relationship with Adam?

Julius - Without a doubt I am "the" reason for any of that cracker's success! Just like Sampson's hair gave him super strength, I give Adam his "game". We first teamed up one weekend about 4 years ago when he went on a camping trip and didn't shave for like 5 days. I convinced him that I could bring him fame and donuts. That boy loves donuts.

Sandwich - By the way, where is Adam?

Julius - He's probably listening to his hair grow. Hell I don't know, that kid zones out a lot. I'm pretty sure his parents used to tour with the Dead.

Sandwich - With all of the "player of the year" talk and media coverage you must get a lot of female admirers and groupies.

Julius - Most of the chicks that go to Gonzaga could probably be our mascot. I really look forward to road games, especially the tournament since we're going to Oakland. Adam is an ugly sumbitch, but once a girl stares into my confusing and sparse hair pattern she gets hypnotized, it's like a deer caught in the headlights. Don't tell him this, but I'm only using him until I can get my porn career off the ground. Moustache ride ladies?

Sandwich - What does Julius do in his down time?

Julius - When I'm not reminding Adam to square his shoulders before he shoots, I like to listen to old Barry White records backwards to see if there are any hidden messages, I also like to cook sauerkraut and throw it on old people.

Sandwich - Good luck in the tournament.

Julius - Why is there a plastic parrot on your shoulder?