The Bert Flex Baseball Nickname Glossary

Now that we're in the Willie-Mays-in-a-Mets-jersey stages of Bert Flex, I'd like to do a little housekeeping on one post that I've had buried in the drafts since last summer.

(Okay, maybe Willie Mays is too good of a comp. Let's say we're in the Jermaine-Allensworth-in-a-Mets-jersey stages. Hey it actually happened.)

I've been wanting to unleash all, or at least all I could think of, our baseball nicknames. Some probably warrant further explanation. Some are probably blatantly racist. Some are gold/some are stupid. But I'll just list the nickname and the player, and we'll leave it like that. Hope you don't like capital letters; here goes:

big donkey - adam dunn

pat the girl - pat burrell

chocolate cheesecake (+ other variations) - c.c. sabathia

crush drunkan - chris duncan

bert flex - albert pujols

hurt flex - mark prior

mark flexsherra - mark teixeira

yo mtv gallardo - yovanni gallardo

larry the crime donkey - chipper jones

shoes - carl crawford

frankenstein/harangatang - aaron harang

charlie murphy - juan encarnacion (no "lazy eye" jokes, you bastards)

ryan dumpster - ryan dempster

chris black young - chris b. young (d'backs version)

chris white young - chris young (padres)

monsta - jose reyes

miggy - miguel cabrera

o-crab - orlando cabrera

napoleon - john lackey (gosh!)

CaZam - carlos zambrano

flyin' hawaiian - shane victorino

j-roll...phenominal - jimmy rollins

gay rod - alex rodriguez

hebrew hammer - ryan braun

victurd fartinez - victor martinez

russ the bus - russell branyan

russell the muscle - russell martin

saltalamacho man - jarrod saltalamacchia

paul lodooky - paul loduca

noodle arms - joe mauer

"razor" ramon hernandez

black donkey - ryan howard

fat lance - lance berkman

pauly walnuts - paul konerko

meat hook - dmitri young

so terrible - so taguchi

mud butley - chase utley

dan struggla/thuggla - dan uggla

"stickie" rickie weeks

o-dog - orlando hudson

THE RIOT - ryan theriot

flip lopez - felipe lopez

chone/auto chone - chone (somehow pronounced "shawn") figgins

cuban mike - mike lowell

crushin russian - kevin kouzmanoff

ha ha ha, me so funny - ichiro (not really a nickname, but we just say that whenever ichiro is shown on tv)

hankie b. - hank blalock

not enough mustard for that hot dog - derek jeter

j-honny - jhonny peralta

great white hope - khalil greene

little davey no-arm - david eckstein


player(s) who don't need nicknames
-jack cust