The Mmm! Hall of Fame

I’ve been watching the World Series closely, scouting for additions to the Mad Librarian’s All-Star Fantasy Team, if you know what I mean. My top prospects:

Cole Hamels, Phillies, P. Cole, I’m going to throw something out there. If you like it, take it. If you don’t, send it on back. I want to be on you. No, shh, don’t talk; you sound like a schoolgirl. But still: I want to be on you.

Jayson Werth, Phillies, RF. As several members of the Flex noted independently, local boy Werth looks startlingly like Edge. Edge = hot. Werth = Edge. Therefore, by the transitive property of hotness, Werth = hot.



Chase Utley, Phillies, 2B. When it comes to lookers, the Phillies don’t have the depth of the Rays squad, but Utley’s a solid third. I wouldn’t mind seeing him down a couple sandwiches or some ‘roids to increase his tree-felling and bear-fighting abilities, but he’s a good-looking fellow and the only active second baseman with crush-worthy play.

David Price, Rays, P. I don’t have anything clever to say here. You’re adorable. Your fastball is smokin’. Marry me.



Evan Longoria, Rays, 3B. I missed my chance to slut it up on Longoria’s tour of downtown St. Charles, so my next best bet is joining him on field as an honorary third baseman. Think I can pass as a 12-year-old? (Either way you answer that, I'm probably going to be angry.)

Carl Crawford, Rays, LF. Boy, you look good sliding into home.* Hey-o!


* OK, obviously that’s not home. Looks like third? But I’m not one to let technicalities like “truth” and “accuracy” get in the way of a juvenile comment.