A Long Post Making Something Out of Nothing

I've been doing a bad job of solid, quality posts lately (well, at least ones that require a smidgen of thought). So to make up for it, I have decided to bring to your attention to yesterday's UCB round table, featuring our own The Good Face.

Yesterday's question, posted on Fungoes.net:

If you could change anything about the Busch Stadium game experience and money were no object, what would it be?

TGF replied with, "I'm a smellyhead and I love carrots and celery. The end. Poop."

He continues, "Well, I’d like to see a team that features Albert, Hanley Ramirez, Chase Utley … but I don’t think that’s the "game experience" you’re talking about.

I don’t really have any complaints about the current set-up. I know I’m supposed to be nostalgic for the old Busch, but it never seemed like more than a place to watch a game.

Is there a way that we can outlaw the wave without violating people’s First Amendment rights?

Oooh, oooh, I do have one idea: It’s not fair that only the rich people get to see the Team Fredbird girls up close. How about some "discount" babes for those of us in the 400s?"

Starting at the beginning, yes, TGF loves him some celery and carrots. So much so that he skips out on eating steaks, shrimp, and beef (among other tasty treats) in favor of a "healthy lifestyle." Rob Deer never lived a healthy lifestyle. Are you going to question the Gospel of Rob Deer, TGF?

Normal people know that Rob Deer is always right. Mullets, mustaches, and donutburgers is where the party's at. Unfortunately TGF has a lifetime pass to the Suck Convention.

As for his other actual points about the new Busch...

-Wanting a team of Pujols, Hanley the Mangley, and Chase Butley is a blatant copyright infringement on yours truly. I'd like to point you to Xzibit A, the ML's Men of B-Flex survey in which I named all three as my official man-crushes. TGF will be hearing from my legal team shortly.

-The nostalgic part about the Old Busch is that it was the place to watch a game. No other redeeming qualities. Allegiances aside, BSII was a dump.

But now BSIII is a nicer venue, with a lot more distractions for the casual fan. It still serves its purposes of 1) watching a ballgame and 2) getting people drunk, but I think I'm safely speaking for everyone else when I say that we expected a little better.

I wouldn't say I have MAJOR-major complaints about the three year old stadium, but I have a shit-ton of minor ones. I shouldn't go into these, but why not: 1) Things such as "Casino Queen Party Porch" and "Big Mac Land" and "Coca-cola Rooftop Deck" and the "AT&T Something-Zone", etc get on my nerves. I'm as big of a proponent of advertising your business, possibly as much as everyone on this site combined...but in BSIII it is way overdone and looks cheesy. 2) The scoreboards suck in all aspects. Getting better by the year, but still sucks. 3) Even three seasons later, it still seems like they built the thing in a couple weeks (which isn't a huge stretch, really). 4) The food/drink prices are too ridiculous. I get the stadium mark-up, but in the whole scheme of things, they don't make that much on food. 5) The ushers are there to promote too civil of an atmosphere. I'm not a heckler by any means, but if you're lucky enough to get a seat close to any opposing player, you can't verbally taunt him, and God forbid if you try to stand and do it; an old lady will tell on you quicker than oops, she crapped her pants.

I could go on, but those are five to start with, none of which deter me from going to a game, but certain changes would improve my deep thoughts of BSIII.

-TGF is right in that we should ban the wave. No explanation could change my mind on that thing.

-I've had the rare privilege of seeing some of the Fredbird girls up close. It's not all it's cracked up to be. And "discount" Fredbird girls...in this city...would probably give you the clap.

Story Time: Big Sandwich, Pink Ass Ben, Black Rob, and I attended a game in '07 and we stood by the SRO section next to the previously mentioned Casino Queen Party Porch. An attractive lass from Team Fredbird was standing near us, most likely on the man-hunt. We may have glanced over in her direction once or twice and gave a classy approval of what we were looking at: a short red-head with long curly locks, nice boobies, and in shape. Unfortunately duty called, and she had to leave our area. As she walked away (behind us), we glanced back to see her walk towards the steps, only to be grossed out by her cottage cheese thighs. I'm in favor of a little thickness on the backside, but those legs were dis-gusting. If I remember correctly, a few of us threw up. Zero exaggeration here. It was bad.

Moral of the story: don't fantasize about the Team Fredbird girls.

Oh, and have a couple McRibs tomorrow night, celery guy.