BertFlex Exclusive! Erik Hashrake Scouting Report

Loyal Flexicans know that we love us some prospects. If there's a 3% chance that some pimply-faced Oregon prep shortstop might be awesome one day, sign us up. Granted, with those odds, you have to cast a pretty wide net to hit the jackpot even once. That's why we employ the best fleet of scouts that the Mad Librarian's poker winnings can buy.

And every once in a while, our scouts turn up a doozy. Introducing outfielder Erik Hashrake.

One of our scouts, "Panama Hat" Harvey Chambliss, found Hashrake playing both ends of a doubleheader against some grizzled veterans in Florissant, MO. The Hat's notes follow:

  • Spent most of the pre-game warmup sitting alone under a tree. One of his teammates informed me that he was downing a "Jakt and Tan," a combination of creatine and Bud Select.

  • Not a real "team" player. Didn't talk to his teammates much. Suckerpunched the umpire's wife. Knocked over a kid for "eyeballing" him.

  • Misplayed multiple balls in the outfield. Bad enough that Chris Duncan could have taught him a lesson. Has the defensive skills to make a great DH.

  • He's 28, but only 18 if you don't count the last decade. Projects as a Steve Balboni-type without the Italian-ness.

  • Bat outweighs all the minuses. Put on a hitting display not seen since Nolan Ryan beat the bejeebus out of Robin Ventura. Knows how to watch his own bombs and flips a bat with the best of them.

  • Take that, Kevin Goldstein. Suck one, Baseball America. We just found ourselves a prospect. And it's only a matter of time before we get to say "we told you so." Stay tuned for more on this developing phenom, who we're already calling "the Developing Phenom."


    sir said...

    As someone who's pitched against the "Developing Phenom", I can tell you that "slow ball he hit it very much, fast ball, bats are afraid." Maybe he will ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats.

    There are some late season matchups to see if the Hashrake can catch up with the Flextime, Power vs. Power. As a favor to all Flexers and scouting departments everywhere, I will take the ball in every Perfectos-Unions match from September on with the sole purpose being to challenge Hashrake. Challenge Him! And be sure his friends is there to see it, 'cause he might get embarassed.

    Hack said...

    I think this "scouting report" is about as accruate as that "Dan Walters" report on the mortgate crisis. Way to use the blog to promote your vintage base ball "career." Stay classy hashrake!

    Anonymous said...

    1860's baseball with the lights in the background. I'm calling shenanigans.

    Anonymous said...

    as soon as i think bertflex.com is taking one step forward, this happens.

    i can't wait to see Sir throw a couple brushbacks at this hashrake character. he seems pretty cocky.

    pun intended.