Talk Dirrty to Me

As our reader knows, we here at BertFlex live to insert (heh, insert) perversion into innocent conversation. Go on, tell us about the package you ordered, your civic duties, or how you think outside the box. We dare you.

It turns out, our naughty minds are good for more than offending our uptight human resources department. They also make baseball season significantly more fun. Here are some of the terms and teams that we love most.

Swinging a hot bat It's generally totally gay for one man to comment on another man's bat, but bring baseball into the equation and it's A-OK.

Finding his stroke See "swinging a hot bat" above. This one is also fun and easy to use in golf.

Throwing junk Not illegal, but definitely immoral.

Dinger We like to call it the Octagon.

Shagging Tip your hat to jolly old English slang while describing the act of recreationally catching fly-outs.

Bases Some wise middle schoolers turned baserunning into a handy guide for quantifying slutitude. I'm willing to go to second with them in thanks.

Pujols You know we love you, Bert, but that last name is rough.

Beloit Snappers Perplexingly, there's not a lady on the team. (Possible exception: The mascot, who appears to be PMSing.)

Bush league Only current member: The Beloit Snappers.

B-Jays The Good Face insists that if Devil Rays = D-Rays, then Blue Jays = B-Jays. TGF also once held a respectable journalism job but now works in BertFlex's St. Charles Bureau. Enough said.

On the black What do you think it means, racist?

Merkle's Boner Oh, who even cares what it means? Hi-larious.

Hitting a jack or jacking a home run Word on the street is that HMW once heard Dan Eassa say "jack one off" twice in one broadcast, but we'll laugh at pretty much any use of the word "jack."

A high, hard one Yeah, we'd hit that.


Anonymous said...

librarian, can you say "a high, hard one" to me very slowly, using a deep, raspy voice?

(also someone give me hack's number, i might need a lawyer by comment #5)

Mad Librarian said...

Don't make me shush you.

The Good Face said...

In the hole ? Five-tool player? Wormburner? The deuce (curveball)? Frozen rope?

The Letter T said...

Oh Audrey - I look like hell! I got bags under my eyes. What's that? Well if you were a member of the Beloit Snappers, I'd punch you. Punch you right in the mouth. That's bush. Bush league. YOU HEAR ME? AUDREY! LOOK AT ME! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Alright?

The Good Face said...

Thank you to the Letter T for helping this blog stay classy.

Melissa said...

Don't forget "Be a big stick"