Next Up for Some Act Right Juice: Lady Good Face

So Sweetcheeks and I are watching a little Sunday afternoon baseball, and up strolls Jason Giambi to the plate.

"Oh. My. God," Lady Face said. "That thing is horrible!"

That "thing" was Mr. Giambi's mustache, which has taken on a life of its own, much like Oscar Gamble's Afro or Brian Fantana's left teste. I tried to patiently explain that, no, mustaches aren't just for porn stars anymore. I even reminded her that Papa Good Face has been rockin' a soup-strainer since the Nixon administration, but to no avail.

"Well, here's the bottom line," I said. "The mustache is Merkah. From Theodore Roosevelt to Wilford Brimley to Ron Jeremy, great Merkans have sported the dirtlip. And if you don't appreciate that, you don't appreciate Merka."

As always, she admitted that I was right and that she had been terribly misguided. That's what estrogen'll do, I guess.

Anyway, to learn more about how you can better love freedom, visit the Mustache Hall of Fame.