Who's Shitty

Hello ladies and gentlemen welcome to another installment of the "Who's Shitty" fantasy report, your premier source for fantasy baseball knowledge. Tony Pellegrino, webmaster and fantasy expert will check the mailbag and answer all your fantasy questions. We have picked five more questions, so hopefully yours will get answered. If you're lucky, Tony might call your favorite fantasy player "Shitty," which will automatically make your team even better (see: Pellegrino Curse in the BertFlex glossary).

Like all fantasy experts, Tony likes to show off how much of a badass he is, so here's a badass picture from Sandlot Slam III last month. Normally, we go with an up-close photo to capture all of his badass-ness, but this is the closest we could get without being in immediate danger of another lazy F-6. I like to call this picture "Crouching Tony, Hidden Popout."

Let's get to the questions!

1. Annie Fresh (Denver) - Who's shitty?! I'll tell you who, A Fresh's Crew (my team). Last place; not good! I need serious help! Who is a player that will help my team this summer that no one has thought to pick up yet? As a side note, shut up Cubs fans - it's only the beginning of June - either the Cards or the Crew will take the Central. Let's chat again in September!!

Ann, you're screwed. If you're in last place in June, just pack it up. There are no miracles on the waiver wire that will get you from last to first. Even if Jay Bruce and Clayton Kershaw are still available, that's not enough firepower to get you into the money. Face it, you're a donor this season; better luck next year.

Also, you're wrong about the Cubs. They're going to run away and hide with this division. The lead will be at least 7 by August 1. Sorry to break it to you, but it's gonna happen.

2. Big Head ('86 Cutlass) - What will Gordon Beckham be remembered for the most when his playing career is over; his hairmet on draft day or his PT with the White Sox?

I am very much not high on Gordon Beckham as an MLB prospect. I'm not sure why because if you look at his college numbers, he's not much worse than Posey. I just don't trust college shortstops to be productive shortstops in the majors. I have no faith that his power will translate and he's not fast enough to be a top of the order burner. His hair, however, is top-shelf shitty and will be forever how we remember Mr. Beckham.

3. Your Mom’s Favorite Flexer (St. Charles) - Hey yo, I’ve got Albert Pujols and Alfonso Soriano on the same team. Tell me one guy who is (a) available and (b) likely to help me stay afloat in the batting stats.

Wow, Bert and Fonzie both going down are going to kill you for the time being. If you're ballsy, consider trading one of them for a lesser but healthy player who can keep you in the race. Especially if this is a keeper league, dealing one of them to play for this year might be the best way to win now. If you don't think you have the horses to win this year, punt it and play for next year.

4. K. Goldstein (inside the Baseball Prospectus SuperComputer) - So I read your enlightening coverage of the 2008 MLB Draft (the Good Face, by the way, was en fuego). Who are some guys to track for next year’s draft?

Steven Strasburg of Tony Gwynn University (San Diego St.) is an absolute beast: think Brian Matusz with better gas. The Padres blog Gaslamp Ball has called him "a pimp." He fanned 23 in a one-hitter this April. Watch for him to single-handedly drag SDSU kicking and screaming into the NCAA Tournament next season. He's boss.

Big Head loves Tar Heels first sacker Dustin Ackley, whom he and I got to watch this weekend in Omaha. He kept trying to bunt so I already hate his guts. He did hit .387/.489/.591 and stole 15 bags so maybe he'll work out if he stops bunting. Swing the bat, dork. He'll have to move off first base to be an impact MLB player.

Another college arm to watch is Mizzou's Kyle Gibson. He had jack and squat against Miami in the regional, which was a bummer. Even though he spent the end of the season in the pen, he'll be the ace of the Tiger staff in '09. Had a 69/18 K/BB in 63 innings this season. The Project Prospect guys compared him to Phil Hughes.

HMW wants me to mention Ruben Sierra Jr in this space, so here's a scouting report from Perfect Game: "Ruben Sierra Jr. is a 2009 OF/P with a 6'2'', 175 lb. frame from Miami, FL. Long, lean athletic frame, very projectable. Huge tools, 4.18/6.68 speed, big OF arm. Left handed hitter, plus bat speed, big leg lift trigger, lots of balance issues, tends to fly open, ball explodes off bat. Also mid 80's off the mound. Big league bloodlines, big league raw tools. Now living in Puerto Rico." Having never seen him and knowing nothing about him but what I've read above, his top comp is Bernie Williams purely because he moved to PR.

5. Julie (St. Chuck) - Tony, I'm a lady who's the Best Man (or Best Ma'am in this case) in an upcoming wedding, and I don't have a clue what to say in my toast to the bride and groom. Can you help a sister out?

Here's what you do: find the most embarrassing / incriminating story you have on said person and completely embellish it. If you don't have enough dirt on him to cause his new bride to question her decision, I suggest something like this. You're welcome

If you would like to ask Tony "Who's Shitty?" please send your questions to haymang@yahoo.com. Tony Pellegrino's advice should be taken with caution, but he has finished in 2nd place in numerous fantasy leagues over the years (none recently) and gets paid to analyze baseball players, so he's kind of an expert, using that term loosely.

For previous versions of "Who's Shitty" click the tag below.

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