The Road (Trip) To Omaha

This past weekend, I made my second annual pilgrimage to Omaha for the College World Series, joining BertFlex contributor the Biggest of Heads for the festivities. If you've never been to the College World Series, there's really three things you need to know: poon, ping, and bad jerseys. To get this post started off on the right foot, we have the obligatory poon collage below. You're welcome.

Since Fullerton didn't make it this year, there were no Kevin Costner sightings. However, there was a celebrity even BIGGER than Costner... Sulk Hogan!!! That's right, folks. Sulk Hogan was at the College World Series in the flesh. We even got a picture of him as he sat behind us in the stands. What do you mean - his name is "Hulk Hogan"? I don't think you should be messing with the Sulkamaniac like that. If you know what's good for you, you'll just take your vitamins and say your prayers... and apparently get some fresh squeezed lemonade from the concession stand, brother. I can't decide if this guy is an absolute tool or a complete bad ass for going all in on the Hulkster look. I guess if I could pull it off this well, I'd do it too.

Since I'm a moron and hate sunscreen, the tops of my hands looked like raw meat from being sunburned. Being the resourceful college graduate that I am, I decided to start a new trend at the College World Series and picked up some awesome gardening gloves to protect my hands. Depending on who asked, the joke was that they were either my Ass-kicking Gloves or my Groping Gloves. In reality they are just my batting gloves because all I do is rake. Just look at those beauties; I was beating the chicks off with a stick all weekend!

Since this is an NCAA event there was no alcohol allowed on site. I mean, obviously these college athletes would never condone something as vile as drinking, especially since some of them are under age. Luckily, the security guards and cops were pretty cool for the most part as just about everyone was walking around outside the ballpark with open containers. Big Head was among the ones partaking in an adult beverage or 5 when we were walking up to the gate Tuesday morning. Even though BH was intending to pitch the remnants of his beer before getting to the gate, Security Guard Jerkface McPartyPooper threw him out of line and took his ticket away (a general admission ticket of which we had more, mind you) before even getting to the gate. In what has to at least tie a record, Big Head was ejected from the ballpark before entering the ballpark. Bravo, sir! We walked around to the other entrance and got in with no hassle.

The Pellegrino Curse continued this weekend as I bought a Rice Owls hat and they, in the words of ESPN's Mike Patrick, were "0-2 and a BBQ" in Omaha. Last year, I bought a Fullerton hat and they too were eliminated by Tuesday and didn't even make it this year. I'm sorry Rice, I really am. Then again, you did give up 17 runs to Fresno State AND blow a 3 run lead in the bottom of the ninth to LSU so I can't really take all the blame for this one. Good thing for one Mr. Cole St. Clair that the MLB draft was the week before since he allowed six runs in 2.2 innings to lose an elimination game that the Owls led 5-0.

Big anti-dap to the Rosenblatt ticket takers for completely effing up admission to the Saturday night Georgia - Florida State game. The early game ran long and by the time everyone was leaving the park, the line for the night game was already long. Apparently the powers that be decided it would be best to start the night game on time even though there were still about 8,000 people (not exaggerating) in line waiting to get in for the premier game of the day. There were even reserved ticket holders waiting to get in after the 3rd inning. We gave up on getting in the door after the 4th since there were still probably 2-3,000 people waiting to get into the general admission section. Way to eff it up, guys. We went home and watched in on tv, then I blew Big Head up in RBI Baseball (Reggie Jackson and Dick Schofield FO' LIFE!).

Inspired by the bad food posts on Bert Flex recently, combined with that fact that I'm a fat ass, I decided to go to war with a Half Pound Hotdog. Just look at that beast! It was like a double-jumbo dog, crossed with death on a stick. I took it down in four minutes which is a pretty good time for someone who is not on the Major League Eating tour. Yes I know you could have eaten it in 30 seconds, then used the remaining time to have sex with the concession stand girl; thanks for sharing, Suck Norris.

We have a history of being highly offensive on this site, and you've got to hear what was probably the most offensive comment of the weekend. So these girls who look like they're about 12 walk by completely covered in purple body paint; on their clothes, their faces, everything, as you can see by the pic. Since Big Head and I have no love lost for LSU fans, both of us were commenting on the choice of attire/paint for these possibly under-age pooners. After a moment of quiet reflection, Big Head drops "It looks like they were all raped by Grimace." Game. Over. I knew we had to get a picture of him standing next to them. The girls were all excited to get their picture taken with an internet celebrity and radio superstar like Big Head. Too bad they had to wait until this post to find out why we wanted their picture. Thank you, ladies. You stay classy, Big Head.

The nasty jersey crew was in full effect at Rosenblatt as you can see from the collage below. Yes that IS a Stanford Mike Mussina jersey AND a Trevor Hoffman Camo jersey. The guy rocking the Columbus Clippers jersey was all too eager to have his pic taken. Thank you all for entertaining us.
Oh yeah, there was also some college baseball played. Whatever, that wasn't nearly as interesting as these great stories. If you want more awesome pictures from Omaha, come get some: College World Series 2008 Photo Gallery

**Co-Editor's note/update: Sorry Sir, I had to put this picture in the post. It is too good to be buried in our photo gallery. Pretty much sums up all Nebraska fans in one fell swoop.



Anonymous said...

Couple of additions...

-The 1/2 hot dog picture doesn't do justice. The thing was a monster, and Sir threw his fore-arm down for "scale". My stomach hurt just watching it. When I figure out what the hell I'm doing with this thing called "YouTube", the vid will be posted. I fully expected Sir to shit a fist by the 4th...and I was wrong. Waaaay wrong.

-We met the Grimace girls in front of the ice cream stand. Uber creepy.

-Peep the pic of the fake Georgia Bulldawg's leg. Usher by day, fan by night. Claimed he made five-hundo in one day selling frozen lemonade.

-Sir made up a CWS stat. Nope, not WHIP, but "C cups with Braces". So...much...jailbait.

-During Monday's 1p game, there was some assdouche talking about his dream of playing on the Nationwide Tour and buying a Camero when he makes a shit ton of cash. He was with the hot chick in the white tube top in the collage of broads.

Anonymous said...

-sulk hogan is awesome. like i told these two, he should meet up with the guy who dresses up like "macho man 2000" (when savage dressed in all black w/ some new hair from hans wieman), that walks around busch stadium once in a while. and yes, he goes around wearing a championship belt, why would you think otherwise?

-the hot dog picture makes me uncomfortable.

-i don't think i can comment on the lsu girls w/o getting into some legal trouble, so i'll just say big head is a handsome gentleman. also, is that d-bag in the background wearing a gayhawks national championship shirt? let's photoshop that out...

-the jersey collage is the best. penny hardaway wins in my eyes because that's so random. i know there are some worthy candidates, but maybe i'm just loyal to all things 1995.

The Good Face said...

big head and sir -- you live the life of which i can only dream.

i nominate this post for a 2008 Flexie.

S Dub said...

What are you talking about "possibly under-age"? I have no doubt that there ain't much grass on those fields.

Classy Mizzou hat Big Head, nothing like celebrating the Tigers shitting the bed by wearing an MU cap to the CWS.

Anonymous said...

Here's the story on that Nebraska bus: http://www.sportsline.com/video/player/play/cbscollegesports/oxqqMVIQXcZI9Zrc_6HyC8ywttcpNylK

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I know S Dub...

But with the size of my dome, I'm somewhat limited in my hat selection. Pretty much Cards and Mizzou. Let it be said that there were a TON of Mizzou hats in the crowd that Sir and I saw.

Anonymous said...

Wow it sounds like you had a fun time. That hotdog looked delicious but I’m sure it was expensive. This summer with the gas prices it will be hard to afford food, and lord knows I’m not cooking this summer. Luckily Jack and the Box has come to the rescue. You love those tacos from Jack in the Box, don’t deny it.—the crispy goodness with the melted cheese, hot sauce and crisp lettuce on the inside. With gas becoming more and more expensive, Jack wants to help you fill your stomach. Bring any gas receipt to Jack in the Box next Thursday, June 26th, and get TWO FREE TACOS. No gimmicks, no hidden fees, no purchase necessary—just two free tacos! Let all your friends know if they like taaaaacos

The Good Face said...

I'm suspicious of "no hidden fees" -- I've been burned before. What assurance can I get that I won't be charged a 10 cent taco tax or some such?

Anonymous said...

thaaaaanks blair. that was the best comment ever. you know what makes us tick.

thanks for saving us 99 cents.