5.21.2008

Douche Bag Report: Troy Glaus Edition

The "real" media is chiding Cardinals fans for failing to embrace Troy Glaus despite his newly hot bat (ha! hot bat) and more-than-respectable fielding percentage. But I think it's important that we set aside the statistics and acknowledge what we all know in our hearts: Glaus is a raging douche. Some evidence:

  1. When a playable ball flies past Glaus and drops for a base hit, he adopts a limp-armed stance and vacant stare ala Daria Morgendorffer on the volleyball court.
  2. Allergic conjunctivitis that strikes only during evening home games in April? Are you kidding me with this?
  3. [(casually unbuttoned jersey+man necklace+Oakleys) x (irritating batting ritual at plate)] / haunting memories of former glory days = douche bag.

Plus, dude looks like Bruce Campbell. That shit ain't right.

1 comment:

hazelwood's most wanted said...

i believe that's our first Daria reference (and video); took way too long.

thumbs up from me.