6.23.2006

World Series of Sandlot (or SandlotSlam I)

Sunday SUNDAY SUNDAY!!! The first ever SandlotSlam will take place this sunday at 2pm at Gordon Moore Park in Alton, IL. This event will pit the Missouri state champions of sandlot, M.A.D. (Mashin' Ass Dudes) against the Illinois state champions, the 6-1-Hate. The winners of this momentous event will be crowned the "Widely Disputed Sandlot Champions of the World."

The 'Hate roster such players as captain Justin Rohour, Ben Bridgeman, Jamie Roe, David, and Tyler. MAD features Shaun "The Hammer" Kennedy, Tony "Former Superstar" Pellegrino and some guy named Keith that Shaun knows. Jah Slowness will also play for MAD but we think the word "features" is a little to strong for Josh.

The 'Slam will showcase a clash of styles. The 'Hate feature a smallball offense, reflecting the tendencies of their captain Rohour while MAD has an "American League" style, relying heavily on the longball. The most feared hitter in the 'Hate lineup has to be Bridgeman, mainly due to his steadfast insistance that he is a better hitter than he was in previous sandlot games. He promises not to show up hung over so we may get a better scouting report after this match. Kennedy projects out to be the best MAD player on a team that also rosters "All-Time Sandlot Home Run King" Tony Pellegrino. It remains to be seen if the Former Superstar can regain his old form, even for one day.

Rohour and Pellegrino, the captains of their respective teams, formed one of the first Sandlot teams in history, the Smizak Squad. One of the most fearsome duos in sandlot history, the Smizak finished a close second to Cleave's Team, the 1997 Widely Disputed Sandlot Champions of the World. Since those days, many games of sandlot have been played, but none have had the importance of Sunday's SandlotSlam when the former teammates face off. Emotions and tempers should run high in this Winner Take All showdown, as evidenced by this interview with MAD masher Shaun Kennedy...

Bert Flex: What are your thoughts about this weekend's SandlotSlam?

Shaun Kennedy: We're already looking past Sunday and preparing for the next game. And we don't even know when the next game is.

BF: Some would question your focus after a quote like that.

SK: Dr. Mashenstein is ready to play, homey.

BF: With all of the pre-game trash talking, do you think you're in Justin's head?

SK: Yeah we're in his head. He's been thinking about this ass-pounding all week...as opposed to thinking about other ass poundings he's taken.

BF: What kind of future do you think Justin has in this game?

SK: He'll realize he's done at about 2:15 Sunday afternoon; he'll be forced into retirement. It's sad. Kind of like Nolan Ryan giving up a grand slam to end his career to Dann Howitt. Justin Rohour has nothing left to offer any team in sandlot baseball. Hopefully he takes Nolan's advice and pops a few advil before this game. It's gonna be painful.

BF: Dann Howitt?

SK: After Dann Howitt washes my car on sunday, maybe i'll give him a buck for bus fare to watch the game.

BF: Do you have any advice for Justin and the 6-1-Hate?

SK: Have a ball, cocksucker.

There you have it folks. See you sunday!



If he un-fades himself, come see this
guy get lit up.

2 comments:

hazelwood's most wanted said...

i should be interviewed more often.

big sandwich said...

I'm flattered at all this attention I'm receiving, even though it is negative and one-sided. Is this the York News Network? Keep saying that I'm shitty and you know what the outcome will be. 618 will let their performance do the talking, and we'll have a great follow up on Bertflex on Monday.