The Most Controversial Interview Ever

Earlier this week, espn.com’s Graham Bensinger sat down with Shaun Kennedy, one of the top contributors to bertflex.com. Kennedy, who rarely does interviews, was very willing to speak on a number of topics and be honest with his thoughts. Here is the complete interview with Mr. Kennedy:

Bensinger: Well we are here talking to Shaun Kennedy, writer for bertflex.com. Thanks Shaun for taking a moment to be here with us. First off, your site has been up and running in blog form since November. Looking back onto the first few months, what are your thoughts?

Kennedy: I’m pleased with what we are doing. I know we don’t have a huge following just yet. But we’ve got some things in the works and we’ll continue to get better every month that we keep this up.

GB: Recently on ESPN, Michael Irvin was quoted as saying that Tony Pellegrino has not done the best job running your site; that it takes a great leader and a great Webmaster to run a team like yours. He even went as far as saying that Brett Favre, if given the reigns, would be a better Webmaster than Pellegrino. Your thoughts?

SK: (without a pause) Yeah he’s right. Definitely. I mean Favre’s a winner. He’s been there before, holding up the trophy. He is a true leader. As we speak right now, I couldn’t see Pellegrino leading us to the promised land. He’s good…he’ll get us near the ‘next level.’ Brett Favre would seal the deal. I see nothing wrong with what Irvin said, and there’s no way I can be misquoted on that.

GB: Another contributor to the site, Justin Rohour (aka Big Sandwich), has made a lot of quality posts so far. You two seem to get along on the field, but rumors have been circulating that you do not approve of his off-field behavior. Please explain.

SK: Well Graham, I’ve been talking about his work on the River. As you should know, he is a disk jockey on that station. I turn that (expletive) on the other day and what is he playing? Nelly? Notorious B.I.G.? What’s going on with that?

GB: I really don’t understand…

SK: He’s a sellout. White DJ’s on the River are only supposed to play white music. There’s no way you can misquote me on that. S-E-L-L- OUT! That’s all there is to it. Matchbox 20 and Dido: Justin should know every word to their songs.

GB: Why is this such a problem to you Shaun?

SK: Because it’s the River, man. The River is supposed to be a vanilla radio station. That’s how God wanted it. And the River will be back some day! And it will be re-built! Vanilla!

GB: That’s an interesting thought. Moving on to the future of the site: are there any plans for money making opportunities, or will this remain an all-voluntary effort on your part?

SK: Graham, listen to me. I BETTER make some money on this thing. I’ve got a family to feed. I’ve got to get paid for all the time and energy I spend making this thing work. Entertaining the people. I’ve got to be able to feed my family.

GB: You have a marketing background, Shaun, what are your plans on promoting the site?

SK: I’d like to promote it by promoting how great I am.

GB: No one else would be involved?

SK: Well, yeah I’d involve everyone. We’ve got a great staff. Tony and Justin do a great job. Ann and York are solid contributors. Jeremy and Matt jump in there every once in a while. But Josh on the other hand…

GB: What about Josh Lohnes? Where has he been?

SK: Graham, I’m not one to comment on someone’s sexuality…but if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…Josh Lohnes is gay. Seriously.

GB: Did you just say that? What does that have to do with anything?!

SK: You’re missing the big picture. Next question.

GB: Okay…do you have any thoughts on the upcoming Olympics?

SK: I really don’t know what the fuss is over Bode Miller. I can’t believe so many people care what he’s got to say. I mean, my friends get drunk and go skiing all the time. We’ve won World Series Championships on PlayStation drunk. Super Bowls, NCAA titles. Beaten Grand Theft Auto drunk. Played pool drunk. Played porch softball drunk. Bode Miller’s just a punk. He couldn’t hang with this crew.

GB: You’ve obviously known these guys since your college days. Describe what it was like being a star rec-sports athlete on the campus of the University of Missouri-St. Louis.

SK: There's so many people gravitating to us kids. We may not have even known what we were getting into. They knock on the door; somebody may knock on the door; a cute girl knocks on the door. What do you do?…

GB: So you’re saying there’s no other options but to give into the female “groupies,” if you can call them that? And aren’t you afraid that the National Organization of Women will be offended by that?

SK: Yes, I am saying that. Unless you misquote me. And no I’m not afraid. You should apologize for asking such a ridiculous question.

GB: I’m sure you’ll be doing a lot of that real soon. Thanks for your time.

SK: Jap plays.

Thanks GB


Anonymous said...

i can't believe how many times i was misquoted...

Dallas J. Hawk said...

Has Tony made a post in the last 3 weeks? If you ask me he has been weak.

sir said...

That is awesome. Graham (not Todd) Benzinger is a punk.

Yes, York I have been weak lately. That's why I can't carry Brett Farve's jock strap. Shaun Kennedy is right about Michael Irvin being right. I'm just not the type of contributor that can take a team to the next level. I'm just a role-player, the John Mabry of bertflex if you will. However, with the talent we've assembled with this organization, I may be in the running for Executive of the Year.