All I want for Christmas

Santa Claus is comin to town this weekend, and since me and the fat-man in red are good pals he has given me a peek of what some of our favorite sports personalities are putting on their christmas lists. Enjoy!

Mark Mangino - Head Coach of Kansas Univ. Football

Dear Santa,

I would like some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Haagen-Dasz ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s'mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. I need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons.

Terrell Owens - currently in-active wide receiver of the Eagles

Dear Santa,

I would like to have my own cable channel and call it "24/7 T.O." I don't think the world truly understands how much better at football I am than everyone else. I want everyone to know how underpaid I am, and that football would not exsist without me in it. I would host my own talk show, where I would interview myself, and as for commercials I would advertise my Terrell Owens clothing line that I would, of course, be wearing at all times. Once in a while I will invite Donovan McNabb just to tell him how shitty he is, and at the top of every hour we will watch some of my great touchdown celebrations. Enclosed is an autographed picture of myself.

Michael Irvin - former NFL wide-out, current football analyst on ESPN

Dear Pookie, I mean Santa,

Could you create some more colors, I'M SERIOUS! My suits are not flamboyant enough for this world. I gots to express myself and show everybody how Michael Irvin gets down GODDAMMIT! Younowha'amsayin'? Also I have a friend who likes to smoke the rock, not me, a friend. The PoPo found my, I mean, my friends pipe in my car. If you could make my, I mean his, problems with that situation go away he promises to never have hooker-and-blow parties in the ESPN commissary again. How bout them Cowboys!

Julio Franco - first baseman for the Mets, older than dirt

Dear Santa,

Hey main, jus wan to say than you for the early creesmas present. The Mets actually offered me 2 year to play for dem. I haf only heet 170 homerun while being in the major league, maybe you could geev me one more good year so I could get to 2 hunred. Also would you plees make my head stop getting bigger, Omar has to order special helmet to fit. Feliz Navidad!


Anonymous said...

well done by big jeezee. i just wanted to let you know i had a mcrib sandwich after josh's party at 2 am saturday night and was thinking about you the whole time.

just thought i should share that.

ps. mark mangino did not ask for celery...unless celery is the new term for bacon; i really don't keep up with these things.

Anonymous said...

michael irvin--"imma tell you som'thin you don't know about me joe rogan...i smoke rock"

Dallas J. Hawk said...

You must be pissed because you weren't invited to TO's birthday bash like myself and Micheal Irvin. It was a good time Micheal's "friend" was there and man is that dude jacked up.