Douchebag Report: Bronson Arroyo Edition

Tonight's starter vs. the Cardinals is All-Pro Dirtbag Bronson Arroyo. He's come a long way from his clean cut days as a Pirate. He went from just "a guy" to a major tool in a record-breaking fashion during the 2004 season (see: cornrows), though he fit right in with the other assclowns the Red Sox employed that year.

To out-douche all others, he pimps his shitty music, has a useless high leg kick, and still has long flowing locks sticking out of his hat. He's a simple wife-beater away from being Kid Rock's stunt double.

Some would say Bronson's musical career will follow the same path as Kent Bottenfield's, but I don't think Arroyo is that good. And he's damn sure no Black Jack McDowell. Arroyo seems like the kind of guy who would go on tour with Russell Crowe during the offseason, and consider that his "big break."

Oh, and he even has a douchey website, bronsonarroyo.com.

In an act of desperation, I added him to my fantasy team a couple weeks ago (check out his last month), so hopefully he helps me out tonight. As a fantasy owner, I'm not racist against d-bags, but as a blogger, I feel it is my duty to hate the scumbag known as Bronson Arroyo.

Below is an image of him "in action" with current Cardinal Flip Lopez looking for an exit door. Good Lord, Bronson, you look like Scott Stapp there, and that makes me want to deck you even more.