6.05.2008

The Live-Blog Begins!

Hey it's draft day! Hazelwood's Most Wanted and The Good Face (left) are with you to cover the 2008 Major League Baseball Draft. Believe it or not, we actually took a half day from work to talk about this crap. We're getting fat eating some food right now, and the Rays are on the clock...

12:13 Big Head sends a text saying "If the Royals don't pick Crow i'm going on a hunger strike until Trey Hillman rectifies the situation by growing his goatee back. I better stuff my face with Ramen stat."

1:01 HMW arrives at Casa de Good Face. It's on!

1:05 Don Zimmer is working the phones. Pizza Huts in Orlando are on code red today.

1:12 Another Big Head text: "Tim Murphy (P UCLA) will be the steal of the draft. I don't like when I t9 his name it comes up "Tin Murphy" Not a good omen.

1:16 Rays take Beckham. Rays fan Good Face claims to not be a Rays fan anymore! That is breaking news, folks.

1:17 Good Face says the Cards need to trade for Reid Brignac

1:19 GF clarifies: I am not allowed to be a Rays fan due to the Cards-Rays series outcome, but I wish them well. Also, Keith Law was talking about Beckham's "wrist quickness." If that's what it takes to play in the majors, sign me up! -- TGF

1:20 The first thing Tim Beckham needs to buy: a new cellphone. That's the kind of sound quality we hear on 590. -- TGF

1:21 Bud definitely appears to be reading the names off a teleprompter. Pedro to the Bucs! He'll be coming to Busch around 10 times/season. -- TGF

1:23 HMW says Jim Callis has a face for print. BertFlex: Making friends and influencing people. -- TGF

1:28 Hosmer to the Royals. Open up the checkbook KC. Also, sorry Big Head, looks like you'll be dropping some LB's soon.

1:29 Sir's analysis on Beckham via text: "I don't like the Beckham pick. too much could go wrong there. Upside is soriano, but i could see him never hitting for enough avg."

1:30 HMW's reaction to Sir's text: Let the record show that Tim Beckham will go on to be the greatest player of all time.

1:32 Seriously, people. The O's take Brian Matusz and the crowd goes ... to the bathroom. It's just so quiet in there. Couldn't they have paid some extras to cheer? How about some pre-recorded applause? Bud seems to be tired of this charade already. -- TGF

1:39 Bud says the Giants take Geraldine Posey? That's what it sounded like. Luckily they took the right Posey...it's Buster.

1:40 Sir text: "Love the Hosmer and Matusz picks, but i wish they would have gone to more interesting teams."

1:40 Let's try Busta Posey on the phone. He has no friends in the background. Maybe he's in the third row of the crowd. Or maybe we'll hear the toilet flush.

1:42 Talking to Jim Callis again. What a dork, stay on the internets Jim. Good Face says to not badmouth him in case we try to do an interview with him down the road. My instant reaction: "Fuck Jim Callis"

1:44 The catcher run is on. Kyle Skipworth to the Marleens.

1:46 Sir says: Bold prediction -- Skipworth will never, EEEEEVVEEER play a full season in Florida. -- TGF

1:47 I just changed my attribution from "GF" to "TGF." I don't want any smartasses calling me girlfriend. Also, it should be pointed out that the MLB draft does not "feature" Chris Berman. Baseball rules.

1:48 TGF bold prediction: Crow to the Reds.

1:49 Damn it. They took Yonder Alonso. I guess I could maybe go back and edit that post ... BREAKING NEWS: Peter Gammons just said Alonso is light in the loafers. Oh wait, no, light on his feet. Same thing?

1:50 HMW drops some knowledge on your stupid ass: The Alonso pick = LaPorta in '07 because the Reds already have Votto, blocking Alonso. Not five seconds later, Steve Phillips said the same thing. Creepy.

1:54 Allllbert PU-Jolz home run in front of 16 fans in Warshington. Very nice. Al and Dan were having a lover's quarrel during the at-bat.

1:55 The Bad Beckham goes to the White Sox.

1:56 When you announce these names and there are crickets, it's not a good way to get people excited about these picks. they need some heat, they need a pop - TGF, channeling his WWE mentality.

1:57 We're upset that none of these picks are actually there. Bad planning from MLB and ESPN. Plus they are broadcasting from "The Milk House." Huh?

1:58 text from Sir: "At least Votto is athletic enough to play left as well as Dunn does right now. When Alonso is ready they'll move votto to left." How dare he question my hard-hitting analysis that Steve Phillips...yes STEVE Phillips agrees with.

1:59 Aaron Crow to the Nationals!

2:00 Good Face's take on AC: "He's gonna dominate wherever he pitches. I wish they were still in RFK, but bitches are gonna be in trouble."

2:02 Keith Law with some good words to say about Crow. Peter Gammons just stumbled through an explanation of the Cape Cod League. Thanks Pete.

2:05 Astros take Jason Castro, ranked 29th according to Kevin Goldstein. Nicely done 'Stros.

2:06 Why did the Astros do that, they have Brad Ausmus!! -TGF

2:08 They show the A's draft HQ. "Looks like 100 dorks playing solitaire on their laptops" -TGF. The way the A's have drafted lately, he's probably right.

2:11 Rangers take Smoak. Dammit. That would have been nice.

2:13 Ravech interviews Alonso via satellite. His first question: What's it been like for you over the past 24 hours? My instant response: "Bangin' chicks...allllright. Giggity giggity."

2:16 The A's take Channel Four News Team farmhand Jemile Weeks. TGF changes shorts. - TGF

2:20 It is official: Next year, BertFlex will be live-blogging from the Milk House or the Butter Condo -- wherever they hold it -- to make some effing noise during the draft. - TGF

2:21 The Cards take Brett Wallace. HMW does somersaults. And then he in your face's me. You can't face the Good Face, beeyatch. Per Sir, we're going to call Brett Wallace a "3B"/1B. - TGF

2:22 Material for later debate: Uglier stupidface: Jim Callis or John Clayton? - TGF

2:23 Keith Law looooves Brett Wallace, so I guess I do too. The footage of him running was not inspiring, but as Sir points out, if you rake well enough, you don't have to run. - TGF

2:26 The Twins take Aaron Hicks, who -- for some unknown reason -- is actually in da Milk House. As far as we can tell, he's the only draftee in attendance. He gets to do the stagewalk, shake Bud's hand, picture, the works. I guess that's worth sitting around like a dumbass for 90 minutes. - TGF

2:35 Jesus H. Alou! Gordon Beckham's hair is ridiculous. It's three sizes too big for his head. He actually looks a lot like Scott Christian from "The Simpsons." - TGF

2:38 Bud stopped messing with the teleprompters. He's got the picks on paper now. He was much more confident with the Brett Lawrie pick (Brewers). - TGF

2:50 One guy in the crowd (possibly Ric Flair) keeps yelling out "wooo" in the background. It literally looks like the place is cleared out, like some fat guys should be rolling trash cans around, double checking that there aren't any half-eaten hamburgers laying around.

2:57 Ravie's second question to Brett Wallace is about his versatility and the "lower half" of his body. Are you fond of his lower half Karl? Somebody's gotta pick up the slack, with no Harold Reynolds around.

3:01 Big Head calls Brett Wallace "Prince Fielder with size" via phone call.

3:05 Ryan Perry, as seen on thedirty.com, has been selected by the Tigers. Pack up your Smirnoff Ryan, you're going to Motown.

3:10 Breaking news - the Mad Librarian was at Gordon Beckham's 10th birthday party. We're confirming our sources and will bring you more info as it develops.

3:11 Peter Gammons has amazing man-love for Russell Martin. Seriously, he's mentioned Martin's name 10 times today.

3:22 The Phillies looked like they had a cake in the middle of their draft room. Why didn't we think of that? They end up taking a kid from Salisbury High School, where he majored in making "football plays" on the "football field" and yelling at John Clayton.

3:27 Friedrich finally off the board to the Rockies. Still no HS pitchers taken.

3:28 The Librarian expands on her encounter with Gordon Beckham: His parents are friends with my parents. I don't really know how -- I don't actually know him well or anything, and I haven't seen his family since then. We were in Atlanta on vacation, spent some time with his family. His birthday party was at his parents' house. Baseball, pinata, barbecue in the backyard, cake. It's not like there were strippers and famous baseball players or anything. I was 15. Thought the entire thing was lame.

3:29 Her follow-up: Well, OK, there were strippers. I thought so...I thought so.

3:31 Daniel Schlereth (Mark's son) is taken from the University of FOOTBALL. He'll be one of the top 5 players in Major League Baseball. FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL!!

3:38 Jim Callis is giving baseball nerds a bad name. Hit the gym and wear some contacts. -TGF. It's safe to say he won't be interviewing with bertflex.com.

3:45 Interview with Mark Schlereth talking about Major League Baseball and the University of Arizona (of the National Collegiate Athletic Association) on the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network.

3:56 Somebody wake up Josh Fields. He's on national TV and just got drafted. He was cogent enough to give props to the Jesus, though. - TGF

3:58 Big Head says Gammo got wood from the Red Sox pick (Casey Kelly). Word is that Casey Kelly might be the next Russell Martin. That word comes from Gammo. - TGF

3:59 I must admit: I'm surprised that the best non-college prospect in Missouri is still available. - TGF

4:05 I hereby call shenanigans on the Mad Librarian-G-Bex story. And not just because she later texted and said that she went on a blind date with Jim Callis, who turned out to be a "v. bad kisser." - TGF

4:06 HMW has officially christened this the Bad Hair Draft.

4:12 Little-known fact, according to Wikipedia (your most trusted source for facts): Enthusiasts who stay through the end of day 2 of the NFL Draft receive VIP passes to skip the lines and get preferred seating to the following year's draft. I can't imagine that lines were much of a problem for the MLB draft. ... Picks in the comp round: Twins take Shooter! Hunt, Jake Odorizzi to the Brewers.

4:16 Had to break out the power chord (which also happens to be one of my many nicknames) because we've got more juice than this computer. - TGF

4:17 Picks are fast and furious. Brad Holt to ... the Mets, maybe? Zach Collier to the Phillies. The mic was busted for the third one. Unrelated: Do you think I could get into the Compton Academy? The Phillies are loading up on black players. Shockingly Sir doesn't say anything offensive while on the phone w/ HMW. He has lost a step in his racist remarks. -TGF

4:18 Mike Montgomery to the Royals. Tim Melville just might fall to the Cards. - TGF

4:19 Giants take Conor Gillaspie of Wichita State. The Astros take someone. Cards take Lance Lynn. Maybe Timmy's decided he's going to school? - TGF

4:23 More about Lance Lynn courtesy of Kevin Goldstein: "What he is: A massive right-hander. What he's not: Massively overpowering." Sweet. The Cards are loading up on fatties. - TGF

4:26 We've entered the phase where ESPN-ers have no effing clue who these people are. They scramble for their media guides after every pick. Kind of like us, but on TV. - TGF

4:28 The sammich picks ended with Tim Melville still on the board. The second round starts at 5:15, but you can't watch it on TV. I assume you can "watch" it on the Internets somewhere. But you'll miss out on our expert analysis. - TGF

4:40 HMW back in the saddle. Casual observation from TGF: Chris Rose is like the Ryan Seacrest of FOX sports.

4:42 I'm pretty pissed about passing up Melville. Even if he's terrible, you have to take him as the local pick. And if he flames out, oh well. But at least let him flame out on your watch. Lance Lynn was #2 on Keith Law's board after Melville, so it's not like they made a huge reach like some of the sandwich picks, but still. I was really pumped about the Wallace pick but this sucks. Horrible horrible horrible.

4:51 We just realized no one from the Jack Cust Baseball Academy was drafted!! Unreal, so much untapped potential there!

5:00 Time to wrap it up and get back to normal life. Round two starts at 5:15, and maybe Melville keeps slipping, but you have to figure he's going to UNC now unless somebody throws a huge bag of money at him.

I am glad espn devoted 4 hours to the draft, but they (and MLB) need to make improvements. I realize it's year two of televising this thing, but they should know how to put on a good production. Step one: note cards for Bud Selig. Or maybe dump Selig, one of the two.

To wrap it up, TGF says "it was a great experience and we'll be in Florida next year. I look forward to buying my Pedro Alvarez Pirates jersey. I learned a lot about myself today."

Thanks for joining us today, and even bigger thank you if you took the time out to read all this. You, and most importantly, we need a life.

12 comments:

sir said...

Inquiring minds want to know... what was on the menu?

hazelwood's most wanted said...

menu for me now is a qt rib sandwich, pringles and a big ass soda. that could change after i devour it.

Mad Librarian said...

This photo confirms my suspicion that the Good Face is now on the juice.

Meat from QT -- that's a bold move.

hazelwood's most wanted said...

the rib sandwich is back...guess who ain't gettin one.

Big Head said...

That hair makes a retard helmet look fashionable.

hazelwood's most wanted said...

gordon "retard helmet" beckham?

gordon "anchorman" beckham?

Big Head said...

Speaking of Salisbury, what is in a Salisbury Steak?

hazelwood's most wanted said...

salisbury steak ingredients (from wikipedia):

1) 2 cups of yummy
2) chunk of "meat"
3) cover with gravy

done.

Big Head said...

$10 says Gammons has another stroke before the end of the 1st round sandwich picks. Damn, he's bad.

Big Head said...

Bold Predictions; Pedro Alvarez and Crow play this season. Ross Detwiler (Mizzou Lite) was the Nats pick last year and was a Sept call up. Alvarez will make the squad next year for the Buccos.

likes to fight guy said...

let me guess - you assclowns were in your moms basement, soda cans everywhere, and youre passing the laptop back and forth?

if you ever come out of her basement, i'll kick both your ASSES...all i have to do is walk out of her bedroom! OH yeah!!

The Good Face said...

I'd just like to point out that if you Google "fuck jim callis," we're the top result. Mission accomplished.