3.03.2008

Who's Shitty

Hello ladies and gentlemen welcome to the first March installment of the "Who's Shitty" fantasy report, your premier source for fantasy baseball knowledge. Tony Pellegrino, webmaster and fantasy expert will check the mailbag and answer all your fantasy questions. We have picked five more questions, so hopefully yours will get answered. If you're lucky, Tony might call your favorite fantasy player "Shitty," which will automatically make your team even better (see: Pellegrino Curse in the bertflex glossary).

Keeping up with our pals at yahoo.com and cbssportsline.com, here is a badass picture of Tony, chomping down on some chocolate bacon. I won't repeat that - you heard me.

I will say this though: only champions eat chocolate bacon.

1. Shaun (Clayton) - Tony, with all the new stats you're learning about, what is your favorite? Mine is BAIBP - no, not BABIP (Batting Average on Balls in Play)...I'm talking about Batting Average in Batting Practice. Juan Encarnacion hit .847 in batting practice last year! Also I read Matt Stairs led the league with 706 Home Runs in batting practice - that's amazing.

You and your stupid made up stats and your dago mustache! Look where Juancarnacion's BAIBP got him... BLINDED! And everyone knows (and by everyone, I mean me and Justin) that John Mabry is the greatest BP hitter EVAR! My favorite new stat is MASH, Most Awesome at Slugging Homeruns. It's a stat dominated by Jack Cust and Adam Dunn so obviously it's the best stat ever.

2. George (D.C.) - Hah Tony, with all this tradin' goin' on in baseball, I need you to uh, dissectify the best trades of the offseason. The people of 'Mericah thank you.

Sure W, I'd be glad to dissectify the trades for ya. Tigers and Mets win. Everyone else loses. The end.

3. Annie F. (Denver) - After getting luck from the yahoo fantasy gods, I got the 1st overall pick and used it to take LT. My year only went downhill. I cycled through no less than 8 quarterbacks and generally stunk up the field with my team's shittyness. If I'm lucky enough to get the 1st overall pick in baseball, do I go with the obvious choice (A-Rod) or do I take someone else?

Non-sequitor. It's not LT's fault your QB's were horrible. and it won't be A-Rod's fault if your baseball team sucks. He won't hit a brazillian homeers like last year, but he's still a good bet to be a monster. He's always amazingly healthy and should go .300-40-120-20 for you with .280-35-100-10 being the floor. He's the best guy in fantasy right now, and it's not even close.

4. Nurse E. Turd Ferguson (The Lab) - Dr. Pellegrino, you have to take either Mark Prior or Rich Harden. Who ya got?

I'm a big Harden fan this season. I'll definately take 100 innings of Harden this year, just don't expect him to give you any more than that. This is his year-27 season so it's almost make-or-break time for the kid. Hurt Flex, on the other hand, is awesome when he's healthy but tends to get bombed if he's not right. At least with Harden, he's been good any time he's pitched.

5. Andre Reed (Dieruff High) - Hey Tony, any fond memories of Allentown?

Not Allentown, persay, because the city of Allentown is quite shitty. Bethlehem is pretty nice as long as you avoid the Puerto Ricans, who "could be part of a gang, and therefor, [makes a fist] real used to fightin'." I can't speak of most of my fond memories of Allentown yet, on advice from my counsel, at least until the hearings are over. Once we get all that nonsense behind us, expect a full report.

If you would like to ask Tony "Who's Shitty?" please send your questions to shaunfanclub@hotmail.com. Tony Pellegrino's advice should be taken with caution, but he has finished in 2nd place in numerous fantasy leagues over the years (none recently), so he's kind of an expert, using that term loosely.

1 comment:

Big Head said...

As a former proud owner of Richie Harden, I'm hoping to pass this year.

The option of Prior or Harden should end in a game of Deer Hunter-esque Russian Roulette match, and hope you get the bullet.