DoucheTeam Assemble!

Believe it or not, this Saturday the 23rd, America's Sweetheart Paris Hilton will be in St. Charles. She will be hosting a party at the new Home Nightclub, located at Ameristar Casino.

Because I care about her so much, I have a message for Miss Hilton: I don't think you realize what you're in for. Combine St. Charles casino hoosiers with the regular douchebag party-goers in St. Louis, and it is a lethal combination. I know you deal with tons of d-bags all the time, but this could produce some record numbers. Even though the average annual earnings of the attendees will be $20,000, they'll damn sure be busting out the A-level ensemble come Saturday: iced out chains and watches, spiky hair, the finest untucked striped shirt, and of course...indoor douchebag sunglasses.

I know Paris gets PAID to attend parties like this. What do you think Ameristar put down on this one? 50 or 100 grand? They just had Bret Michaels out there a couple weeks ago, so they are really putting themselves out there as a classy joint.

As I'm typing this, I can hear thousands of conversations going on all over the St. Louis area..."bro, did you hear Paris Hilton is gonna be in town, bro? A buddy told me and it's gonna be a blast bro! I've got to go to the Galleria to pick out some new torn jeans. It's hard to see in here with these sunglasses, plus I can't afford to pay the electric bill, bro, but Paris Freakin' Hilton Bro!! What's that? Yeah, I'll do her! Once she sees me bro, I'll be in her next video in no time bro. Ha Ha. Peace out bro."

I can't imagine Paris staying in St. Louis for more than a few hours, so if the party goes from 9pm to 3 am, I'm guessing she'll be back on the jet by about 11.

See you bros on Saturday...

UPDATE (thursday night): Paris is going to be at the South County Macy's on Saturday at 1pm! Who's going?