My heart hurts just writing this

No, those aren't cancerous tumors removed from The Schwab's ass; they are the latest attempt by the Gateway Grizzlies to lure your fat ass to the ballpark. They are "baseball's best slider", two White Castle sliders that are breaded and deep fried! They make a great appetizer before devouring the infamous Krispy Kreme donut burger or the original black angus, bacon, saurkraut, onions and cheese dog. The two deep fried sliders ring in at a wopping 600 calories and 40 g. of fat, and this is what Grizzlies GM Tony "thunderturd" Funderburg had to say about their ever-growing menu "Never could we have envisioned such a response from the burger last year, this is just another way to make Grizzlies games at GCS Ballpark more fun!" With this continued expansion of the menu Thunderturd might want to set some money aside for re-inforcing the stadium in order to withstand the increasing weight of the average spectator, maybe making the seats wider and puting some more toilets in too! The Frontier Leagues finest get their 7th season underway May 23rd and I am unhappy to say that Shawn Smarsh is no longer with the team.