Duffman gets pissed

Looking through ESPN.com yesterday, I'm trying to find anything, and I do mean anything that doesn't require my paying money. Unfortunately, ESPN has officially decided that any article that is free will also be total shite. Enter Keith Law. This little turd wrote an article which, out of 4 pages, consisted of 3 and 1/2 pages of complaining that the "wrong" teams are in the series. I wanted to document every ludicrous thing he said, but I blacked out exactly one paragraph into my reading. He had the nerve to say:
" why aren't the media calling for Pujols a non-clutch chocker after his one-RBI performance in the NLCS? Why aren't people arguing that the Cardinals would be better off if they had traded him?"
We have a winner. That may be the dumbest fuckin' thing ever said. In history. All of history. First of all, you whiny little twat, it wasn't just "the Media" calling for Gay-Rod's head after that disappearing act, it was all of New York. Don't you love it when members of the media blame "the Media" for some shit? Like they exist outside of that giant amalgam of poo and old taco sauce that makes up "the Media." Whatever.
So that comment inspired me to write a top ten list. Here are the top ten reasons "the Media" are punking out A-Rod but not Bert:

10. "The Slap"
9. Bert's 1 RBI in the NLCS was one more than A-Rod had this post-season.
8. Did anyone see Double Play-Rod getting intentionally passed everytime he had RISP?
7. The Cardinals didn't get bounced from the division series by a team spending $120 million fewer dollars.
6. As "bad" as Bert's NLCS was, his average (.324) this post season is 253 points higher than Rodriguez's (.071).
5. Bert doesn't engage in any homoerotic Top Gun-esque flexing after he scrapes the wall with his latest mammoth 358 foot blast.
4. 11 extra million dollars... every year.
3. Check the career post-season numbers. In forty more at bats (174- 132), Bert has twice as many home runs (12-6), more than twice as many RBI's (33-16), nearly twice as many runs scored (36-19), a batting average fifty points higher (.333- .280), and an OPS that is 172 points higher (1.032-.860). Of course, A-Rod has been caught stealing four more times than Bert, so he does have that.
2. Rodriguez isn't going through some minor slump. Since the start of game 4 of the 2004 ALCS, he has played in 13 post-season games. He has 5 hits, only one of which was for extra bases (a double). In those thirteen games over two years, he has exactly one more RBI than Bert has this week. He also has exactly one more hit than So Taguchi has in his last four at bats. His average: .109. The Yankee's record since his collapse: 3-10. He certainly isn't the only reason why the Yanks have gone home early the past three years, but he is the biggest reason.
1. Brad Lidge
Shut the hell up, Keith Law. You do not want your soul to be eaten next.

1 comment:

Dallas J. Hawk said...

Fuck Keith Law. That little piss ant is a moron. I read his shitty article at work on Friday and got mad. How is that guy able to have write for ESPN, he knows nothing. I guess that is why his articles are free.