Who's Shitty

Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another installment of the Who's Shitty fantasy report, everyone's favorite place to go for fantasy baseball analysis. Tony Pellegrino, webmaster and fantasy expert will NOT check the mailbag and answer five fantasy questions this week because of "Lazy Bum Syndrome."

That's right, your buddy Shaun is here to field your fantasy sports questions! I will try not to suck as bad as Tony, and I can't guarantee that the Pellegrino curse will still apply if I answer the questions. But you will have the satisfaction of hearing from someone who actually knows what he's doing.

Contrary to internet rumors, Tony did not have Chris Mortensen at his side during the drafts back in March. I was there. Tony did all the stupidity by himself.

For this week's badass picture, I will stick to the Tony theme and go with this picture entitled "Failure." It is pretty much Tony watching a can of corn getting snapped off into my glove for a sandlot victory. He may tell you about a home run that he hit off a light stand, but I remember him going 0-28 with a bunch of backwards K's.

Let's do this!

1. (Karl R.-Bristol, CT) Why did Harold Reynolds leave our show? Now the only brother we have on the baseball side is Joe Morgan. ESPN is going to have to hire a replacement, or else Orestes Destrade will take over. Krukster is already in the fetal position under the NFL Live desk, and I'm going to have to start rubbing down John Clayton. HELP!! Who could replace Harold?

You would rub down John Clayton, wouldn't you Karl Ravech? Plain and simple: Harold Reynolds sucked. ESPN needed another reason to fire him besides "sucking," and they went with "hugging" instead. I've never found the need to hug one of my co-workers, but I'll have to try one day and see how it goes. To take it a step further, if I'm talking to one of my fellow male co-workers and a female walks by, maybe I'll pull a Connery by slapping her on the ass and telling her to move along. "This is Man-Talk."

As for the replacement, it'll probably be another black man, let's be honest. And he'll be one of those guys who "tells it like it is." But he "keeps it real" too, because he is black, get it? My money is on Mo Vaughn.

2. (Bobby A.-Bronx) What deadline moves helped the teams the most, and have you seen my swing? It's been missing since last July. I think I left it somewhere in Comerica.

I know I just set the record for most quote marks in an answer (above), but they are not necessary here: your power is G-O-N-E. GONE! You are still a hell of a four tool player, though. Not worth a super early pick in next year's drafts (say 4th round) unless you go back to using an aluminum bat like you did at Comerica in June '05.

And the deadline deals that helped the most? Tough call here. You've probably read a lot of expert analysis on this topic already, so I won't spare you some lengthy analysis of every trade. But I will say that I enjoyed the Reds overpaying for a ton of worthless relievers. That made the Cardinals lack of moves a little easier to swallow.

Oh yeah, and I wish Shea Hillenbrand would have stayed with the Blue Jays, just so ESPN could have filmed a reality show of their "sinking ship."

3. (Matt-'03 Mercedes) We are getting closer to hockey season, and the Blues are closer to respectability. Where do you see them this year, and why would they let Erik Johnson play for Gopher U instead of the big club? If he is better than Pronger was at 18, and Pronger started on the Whale, why not Johnson?

I have no actual analysis of Erik Johnson, except seeing the same 3 highlights from local TV. I will say that he looks a lot like Alfred E. Neuman.

Maybe it's just me, I think they look alike.

Good luck this season at Minnesota Erik, and here's to you receiving a lot of tail this school year.

Great signing of Manny Legace this week. 10 times better than Patrick Lalime a couple years ago.

PS. If you play fantasy hockey, all I have to say is WOW. That is all.

4. (Jack Bauer-somewhere between here and China) Tony, put me on the line with Shaun to answer this question! Who is a good pickup for the stretch run? Only seven weeks left in the season! There's not much time, tell me now! (points gun)

Jack you know protocol (whatever that means). And you have the schematics (whatever that means). We all know that Tony is unfit for this job and I have been sent here by Division to take over. I'm not sure what positions you are looking for, but check to see if Mark DeRosa (infield) or Craig Monroe (outfield) is still a free agent. Catch them while they are hot.

If it is a pitcher you need, go with one of these kids: Joe Saunders of LAA or Cole Hamels from Philly.

By the way, be careful with those Chinamen. They love to fight. And they can grow up to five feet tall!

5. (SALISBURY-parts unknown) Tony nobody cares about baseball anymore, especially your since your teams suck so bad! FOOTBALL should have all your attention now! It's August 12th, do a little one-man mock draft of the 1st round. Say a 10 team league. Maybe throw in a couple "bubble" guys, and I'm not talking about Ron Jaworski! Ha Ha Ha! Laugh at my joke!

HA HA HA! Hilarious Salisbury! But you're dealing with me this week, so here's a mock that you should expect come draft day:


1.) LJ

2.) Shaun Alexander (although a very logical #1 pick too)

3.) LT (be sure to do the happy dance after taking him)

4.) Tiki Barber

5.) Clinton Portis (although could be interchangeable with Tiki at 4)

6.) LaMont Jordan (if you draw the #6 in your league, go ahead and have someone kick you in the balls so you feel better.)

7.) Cadillac Williams

8) Edge (can he still put up big #'s in Arizona? you could make a case for him to be #6 too.)

9) Steven Jackson

10) Rudi Johnson

My guys on the bubble would be Ronnie Brown, Peyton Manning, and Steve Smith. It'll all depend on your league setup. A lot of people take RB's in the first (and usually second) rounds nowadays. If QB's score more points on touchdown passes, you have to move Manning up higher.

As a side note, if you win the ESPN contest that lets you have Chris Mortensen as your draft wingman, you should probably decline. Unless you want to take Brett Favre, Tom Brady, Curtis Martin, and Jerome Bettis with your first four picks.

If you would like to ask Tony, or maybe Shaun, "Who's Shitty?" please send your questions to shaunfanclub@hotmail.com. Tony Pellegrino's advice should be taken with caution, but he has finished in 2nd place in numerous fantasy leagues over the years, so he's kind of an expert, using that term loosely. Shaun Kennedy's advice is much better. He is far past the days of taking Preston Wilson in the second round in 2004.

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