Oh, Sweet Heavens, My Dreams are Coming True

Most of us with clear memories of the '80s do not find ourselves longing for a return to the days of tight-rolled jeans, giant hair, and those tube socks with the colored stripes at the top. But if I could travel back as a 20-something I would, for one reason and one reason alone: Reaganomics.

No, not really. (Sorry, Hack.)

I would, however, happily go back -- via flux capacitor, natch -- for a little face time with The Rockers, particularly Shawn Michaels, who's downright dreamy. If you are not familiar with The Rockers, let me introduce you. And if you find that you don't like them, then we probably can't be friends.



"Napoleon Dynamite" taught me that time machines aren't real, so unfortunately I can't participate in Marty Jannetty's hard-drinking days or break shit with an angry Shawn Michaels. But here's the next best thing: RAW in St. Louis on February 2. It's a taping, which means the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels is likely to be in attendance, along with the jorty John Cena, badass Rey Mysterio, and irritating intercontinental champion Santino Marella. (Yes, TGF, I know you love Marella. Why don't you just marry him?) Marty Jannetty will be busy working third shift at at 7-11 in Iowa.

So February 2. Be there. Or be dead to me.